Reply to tell me about your marriage if both spouses have untreated ADHD

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Also, complete sidebar but the number of people on DCUM who seem to think getting on meds is like a simple electrical rewiring issue or asking for an extra shot of espresso. If it was so easy of course we would all do it. As things get more and more hectic with the realities of parenting and adulthood, it becomes harder and harder to commit the time and monetary resources to tinkering around trying to figure out what works for you, while possibly in the process completely losing your grip on time, your mind, ability to mask (so social relationships), and physical health in the process. This happened to me on a particular med, as the doc kept urging me to up the dosage bc it wasn’t working the way we thought it would. I really think he was being paid to push the stuff onto his patients and I can’t believe I trusted the advice as long as I did. It was really terrifying.[/quote]

I think the problem with medication is that the executive functioning isnt coached or taught alongside it.

We are a dual couple with ADD. My spouse takes meds and I do not. He does have the more stressful job but the stress is compounded by his lack of boundaries and inability to set up systems.

I stopped taking my meds when pregnant and never got back on them because I had worked on executive functioning and systems when I was taking my medication (about 8 years). The medications helps but it doesnt do the work for you.

For example, I have systems for cleaning and laundry. We have a dedicated space for keys at the entry/exit. I dont put stuff down- it gets put away. And if my attention is needed elsewhere, I make a "sticky note" in my head to remember to go back and do what I got distracted from. I dont let the gas tank get below 1/3 tank.

[b]My spouse on the other hand refuses to put his keys and wallet anywhere dedicated when he enters. He constantly puts things down and walks away. Pants when he showers. Towels when he dries off. Spoons that he used for stirring. Shoes sit right in front of the door. Jackets are always thrown over a piece of furniture. And more than once I have had to use one of our cars and it had less than 5 miles in the tank. [/b]

He is also in "charge" in the afternoons and I keep trying to talk to him about making sure that he keeps a routine for our kid so that he learns that his backpack needs to get put away, papers gets taken out, homework gets done, snack gets eaten, and then it all goes back in the "school zone". He will just dally the whole afternoon away playing and then there is no dinner prepped, no homework done, backpack and lunch are still sitting whereever it got dropped and you realize that so much of this is also taught and demonstrated.

[/quote]

This would be too much for me.

I hope he makes a lot of money. He’s got major issues. [/quote]

Money and outsourcing only helps so much. 
It’s a lonely marriage, lots of setbacks, most of which should be totally avoidable. [/quote]

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