Reply to Prostate Surgery Relationship Impact

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[quote=Anonymous][quote]Call it whatever you want…but you are just not wanting to see what it really is-selfishness. Your husband is selfish

He had a medical issue. He is depressed about it. But you are his wife and expecting you to just give up something as important as this is simply not ok. As others have said-nobody is blaming him for not being able to function but it’s the total lack of interest in YOUR needs that is the problem here. You are still married. And sex is about a lot of things and he can only not do one thing. There are many other things he can do. And simply acting as if him not having any interest is ok is very sad.[/quote]

I would need a good deal more information before I would be simplistic enough to call this a case of "selfishness."

I was diagnosed with prostate cancer when I was 55. It was very scary even though my cancer was Stage One and my Gleason Score was six (the lowest possible score.) I have not had a prostatectomy, and my current treatment is "active surveillance" (i.e., we watch to see if the tumor grows or changes.)

I have talked to several urologists (John Hopkins has a great urology department, by the way), and the situation is far from "he had a medical issue." Prostate cancer is dangerous not because men must have a prostate to live but because the cancer can metastasize to many vital organs (e.g., liver, bladder, kidneys, etc.) This man will need to monitor this issue for the rest of his life.

In my cancer support group, many of the women with breast cancer grieve the loss that comes with a mastectomy and the changes forced on their bodies. No one (in their right mind) tells them that they are being selfish, nor should they. Do you think that saying, "Hey, just give your husband a BJ," helps with the loss of what they had before the surgery?
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