Reply to Obese spouse...I'm tired of this.

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]When a spouse has an addiction, to booze, drugs, risky behaviors, sugar, processed food, everyday life feels like watching them play Russian roulette with not only their life but the marriage and family bonds too, and finances as so many have raised.

Whether it's undiagnosed mental illness, trauma, dopamine issues, etc. it all gets avoided by life shortening behaviors.

I know this is taking a toll on all of us who are loved ones. [/quote]

Having lived with a family member who is 50 lbs overweight (mom) and another family member who was an alcoholic, these are NOT the same thing at all.  They don’t have the same effect on the family, on finances, on work, on the person’s health, nothing.

Being overweight doesn’t cause people to do or say stupid things.  People don’t put themselves or family members in imminently dangerous situations (like driving drunk) due to obesity.  There is NO WAY these are at all the same category of thing.

I will say that this insane narrative does have the spouses on this thread acting crazy.  OP and a few others could probably benefit from reading a little about codependency or some ala-non literature.  
I mean, searching through his belongings to find wrappers and looking through your credit card bill for vending machine charges is kind of crazy.  You need to let that stuff go.  
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How do you know anyone is searching through belongings? I'm one of the spouses you're calling crazy - and I see the wrappers in the car, or in the garbage when I am taking out the trash. You know things about a person when you live with them. I find their cookie stashes sometimes while looking for something else.

We have separate ccs but if I were paying both our bills of course I'd see the charges.[/quote]

OP here. Any wrappers I've found and junk food I've never did anything. We all have weaknesses . The difference between me and him is if there is a bag of chips I can have one or two servings and forget about the bag for two weeks. My dh polishes it off in two short days. I don't buy that stuff. He does.  I clean out the cars and find wrappers. I pay thr household bills and check joint cc for charges. That's how I saw it. The multiple daily vending charges.  Again I didn't say anything. I've tried to be supportive and when he brings up his weight or goals I say yes I'm on board,  what can I cook or how can I help. My dh exercises at the gym three times a week religiously.  He eats my healthy food that I cook. But he engages in other unhealthy lifestyle choices. He justifies his behavior bc he exercises routinely and eats healthy dinners. He thinks that gives him a free pass for everything.  [/quote]

It sounds like he is hungry after dinner, and he knows you will judge him if he eats more.  So he secretly eats.

I don’t know.

I would say that the defining characteristic of being codependent is a belief that you could live someone else’s life better than they are living it themselves.  Rabbits.

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