Reply to Husband decided to keep kids home today without talking to me

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[quote=Anonymous]Wow this is a crazy thread!  I am always left wondering what people do (or more accurately don’t do) that it’s not disruptive to have a preschooler home while they work. I am of the minimize childcare camp, much more-so than my husband, and for years have stayed up until 1 AM to get my work done after taking time off to be available during the day for sick babies and toddlers. Hard but you do it. But if OP is local, schools were closed yesterday too and if you pay attention to your kids during the day you already had to make up work last night and be behind today.

I would not be happy to have my husband make this decision without consulting me unless he really covered the whole entire day. Even expecting you to cover one meeting can be problematic if you have an obligation at the same time. Of course you can miss any meetings if you have too but OP should get a say in that decision not have it made for her.

I had two meetings I needed to attend this afternoon (especially knowing school is likely to be canceled Friday…). I told my husband he could watch the kids or they could go to childcare- his choice (we opted to have kids home this morning and covered the time together). He decided to have them go to the childcare for a few hours and I supported him. Our kids didn’t want to go because they didn’t want to get dressed- but then when he went to pick them up our daughter asked to stay longer because she was having fun with her friends.

Anyway I agree that there aren’t a lot of rights and wrongs here besides making decisions about other people’s time. Childcare is not evil and if the alternative is putting your kid in front of a screen (especially for multiple days) or missing a meeting or having to stay up super late then it might be the right call to send the kids to care for a few hours. Can you when you are calm just ask him what his expectation was for you? And just very calmly say you are happy for him to keep the kids home when he can watch them but that you would like to discuss if there are times he is expecting you to watch the kids? My husband and I had a lot of strife over this (generally how to decide whose work is on the back burner when a kid needs to be home) and it’s taken a lot of really honest communication to get to a semi-decent place.

I feel bad for your kids they heard that fight. I hope you gave them extra snuggles and told them how much you loved the time you did have with them and helped take away the sting of the nasty stuff your husband said. I was always so worried my kids would think I didn’t want to take care of them if I had other things going on (which is kind of crazy) and I would be sick if my kids heard my husband say I loved a spreadsheet more than them.[/quote]

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