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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I think there are times in my life that I've felt the same as you. Some family is great, some isn't, why do we put family so far about other connections?

Well, now, in midlife, I've found that over longer periods of time, family is much more likely to still be around and in your orbit. For me, for other people in my family, for friends of mine, I see the same pattern. Yes, I have friendships that have withstood the test of time - more than most I think. At this point, I probably have 20 friendships that have lasted over 20 years.

But I'm down to two friends from high school. My college friends and I still have robust relationships. But there are friends from another source from years and years ago that I would have considered just as close as family, and I just realized that at this point I've lost touch with all of them. Exactly which friendships have withstood the test of time has been, in retrospect, quite unpredictable. It's also much more likely for friends who have drifted to stay drifted, whereas family often drifts back into your inner circle.

Bottom line: in a world where community is so valuable, family is the better bet. Not a guarantee, and lord knows I'd be lost without my friends, current and past. But the odds are better that family sticks around and are there for you when the sh*t really hits the fan. It's hard or nearly impossible to see over 1 or 5 or even 10 years. But 20-30 years? Yeah, it's a big difference.  [/quote]

Same experience. And I say that as someone from a dysfunctional family, but that's why it's so sad. My DH and I are leaning harder into his family and planning on moving closer to them soon, for this reason. He is also from a tighter community and actually still has childhood friends he's genuinely close to, and I've become friends with them and their families over the years too. I think coming from a very stable, functional family and a pretty tight knit community helped him to make these stronger bonds, and we want that for our own kids. I didn't have that has a child and had to create a support network from scratch as an adult. I did it but it was hard and lonely. I don't want my kids to have to do that. I  want them to feel like they always have people in their corner they can turn to, whether that's us or their cousins or very close family friends. [/quote]

+2 I feel similiarly[/quote]

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