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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I sympathize with your situation.  Here are outcomes I have seen/known about.  Some involved mental health issues, others not.  Maybe this will help.

#1 HS female friend.  No mental health issues.  B+ student type. Picked in-state specialized urban college far from home, hated it (too hard, too much science).  Flunked.  Almost no transfer credit. Moved home.  Commuted to new college for four years. Bachelor's and later master's in health-related profession.  Successful, happy.

#2 male relative.  Somewhat introverted, no mental health issues. Picked specialized music school many states away.  Flunked out/abandoned career choice.  Came home.  Took some community college and maybe some State U classes in computer science.  Quit.  Moved in with other relative out of state and went to culinary school.  Became chef and then kitchen/cooking business manager type chef (financial/management responsibilities).  Launched successfully but less financially stable than others in family due to industry choice.

#3 male relative.  Possibly some ADHD or other minor issues.  Dropped out of Ivy and a state U.  Never went back.  Lived with parents into adulthood and became valued eldercare support system.  Did many odd jobs and careers (unsuccessful realtor). Had a fun life though relied on the government and family as safety net and rich friends for free vacations.  Is a homeowner.  Now eligible for Medicare & Social Security.  Doesn't seem to have any regrets and usually has lots of friends.

#4 male relative.  No mental health issues known but possibly some introversion and temporary depression. A student type. Dropped/flunked out of rich kid SLAC due to social misfit.  Holed up video gaming his first semester and tanked his grades.  Moved home or near parents.  Attended cooking school and also local university.  Spent year teaching abroad.  Now teaches English in elementary school.  Happy and on track.

#5 freshman year female roommate at State U.  On medication.  Depressed. Regularly oversleeping and missing classes.  Flunking courses in her major and skipping key class with the only instructor in her initial area of interest. Found boyfriend during end of 2nd semester, became happier, and started repositioning.  We didn't stay in touch but I heard she changed her major and returned the following year.

#6 friend's kid.  Known family mental health history. Depressive tendencies and excessive videogaming in high school.  Flunked out of State U and could not agree to return/readmision program.  Pot smoking involved.  Moved back in with parents and worked a little but eventually moved several states away to live with cousin and work dead-end job.  Still young so still in the figuring it out stage.

Summing across all of this...

1) It's quite possible to recover from an incinerated freshman year.

2) Do your best to help your child keep obsessions/habits/substance abuse from becoming crutches for school failure/failure to launch (this is hard, and deeply personal).

3) Some people can be quite happy without being conventionally successful.

4) Other relatives may help provide stability and connection to family while avoiding direct parent-child cohabitating/control issues.

Wishing you luck helping your child.

[/quote]

This is such a helpful post.  Thank you for taking the time to write this, as I believe it is helpful for many of us to see these examples and take-aways.[/quote]

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