Reply to Our daughter “married well.” Nobody is happy about it

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I’m guessing you are more unhappy about it than she is. If I was balancing career, marriage, and kids and my mom wanted to talk to me every day, often complaining about how far away I lived, that would stress me out too. She may be exaggerating to appease you since you seem obsessed with this. She also may be just stressed like most dual-earning households with young kids.

My parents moved close to me (actually moved to be close to my children, let’s be honest) and it’s more work and more stress for me. I still use after school care, baby sitters, camps, etc. but now I have to constantly manage my mother’s feeling and judgement about how I prioritize my time or live my life. [/quote]

This.  My wife and I are happily married with kids and dual careers, and we live far enough from both our parents that we see them maybe twice a year.  I think on balance we like having some distance.  We briefly lived closer and it was blessedly wonderful for connection but also came with a lot of baggage.  My sister and her husband are like us marriage, career and kid wise, but they have lived in the same town as both sets of their parents and I think it often drives them a little crazy.        [/quote]

Nobody is suggesting the extreme of never leaving the town you grew up in. There are a lot of high-achieving options short of moving across the country, away from both sets of grandparents.[b] I don’t know why “marrying well” is conflated with abandoning your family to job hop 500 or a couple thousand miles away. [/b]There is nothing well about isolating yourself, having no family immediately there for you, and depriving grandparents so $15 an hour strangers can raise your kid(s).[/quote]

No one does this but you, OP.  Marrying well (and what an anachronistic notion that is) has to do with the choice of partner.  What that partnership does, and where they choose to do it, is completely separate.  Plenty of people "marry well" and stay near their family.

You seem to be dancing around your SIG having sole responsibility for where they live.  Is that what you're saying?  He's forcing all of this on your daughter?

Regardless, as other PPs have said, if they indeed could have the same careers in close proximity to you, it's worth wondering why they don't.  Maybe it's because there aren't the same opportunities near you - or maybe there's some other reason, that they don't want to tell you.  (Based on your posts here, my money is on that, but it doesn't seem like you're capable of that kind of self-reflection.)  [/quote]

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