Reply to Fussy, finicky people who can’t just go with the flow

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, I understand totally. DH and his family are like this. It paralyses their life to the extent that often stuff never gets done. What seems to paralyse them the most is making the wrong decision. Eg - what if they don’t like the movie? What is they order the nuggets but someone else gets the fries and they would have preferred that? [/quote]

I just posted about being team OP, and I think an underlying factor here can also be people who are jerks about the thing falling flat. If you were the one to pick the restaurant and it turned out to be awful, what is the culture in the family unit? Is the picker going to get piled on for making a "bad" choice? Are they paralyzed by fear that someone will be unkind over their bad choice? When people get really caught up in group decisionmaking for every single thing, accountability and blame are usually lurking around the corner.

OP, are they the type to grumble when things are not perfect? If so, they have trained your DH to be this way. [/quote]
I’m an earlier poster with a dh who has same problem. Not so much now, but earlier in our marriage when MIL asked my preference and I gave it to her, she would always say “are you sure? What about x instead”. She would have to second guess all my preferences. I’m sure she did to DH while he was growing up too.

My DH can’t state his preferences. If we are deciding where to eat, I’ll ask him for his suggestions. He’ll say” I don’t know. Give me a suggestion”. I make a suggestion and he’ll say “No, I don’t want that”.

Okay - give me a suggestion then. He can’t. He can say no to all my suggestions but can’t provide any of his own.
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I'm your DH, and my parents are like your MIL ("are you sure? what about X?") As PP said, accountability and blame are lurking around every corner in my family of origin. It took until my 40s and having kids for me to change (although it's still a struggle not to revert). I do better with choices and now will only do that for my parents. Going back to OP's examples, they'd be so surprised when we left for the movies even though I a) told them our plans and b) invited them but they hemmed and hawed. [/quote]

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