Reply to Does this warrant an appointment with a counselor?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here. DH is exactly like my older child, except more nuanced.  He completely agrees with my older child and thinks she sees things more clearly than anyone else.  I am completely outnumbered and I get out-argued every time.  DH very much enjoys dark themes and exposes our kids to them at what I think is way too young of an age.  If I put my foot down, he does it secretly or behind my back, which then forms a stronger bond between him and the kids. Or we end up in a huge argument, where he calls me WAY overprotective and controlling, but we will never see eye to eye on this.[/quote]

What a mess. Why the hell would you be with and procreate with this goon? I have never understood people who confuse cruelty with intelligence, or brutality with honesty.

Get help for her, and discipline her as the grown, rational, capable adult you are, and  when she acts an absolute unfiltered a-hole to her baby cousins, make clear to your younger ones that DD is behaving unkindly and where they model her, they’ll face restriction, too. Your DH doesn’t have to be on board with this. It’ll be hard, but every excuse you make simultaneously states “I’m raising a troubled d-ck and don’t give a damn about it.”[/quote]

I never said she acts unkindly to her younger cousins.  Not the case at all.  She ignores them, and has zero interest in them. There's a difference - she is never an "unfiltered a-hole" to them.  When they harass her, she is never mean, cruel, or dismissive.  She answers their questions, and then quietly excuses herself to go read a book somewhere else. She just wants to be left alone.[/quote]

OP your daughter is *fine.* She’s old enough to get some lectures to you about the likely consequences of saying shocking things in public. I have that conversation all the time with my DS. There is no therapy to make girls like babies and if there was, it would likely be tremendously abusive.

As for your DH and exposure to media you can try putting your foot down or at least compromising on it. But 5 Nights at Freddys or whatever is not going to turn your child into a psychopath.

The root of this concern of yours truly seems to be that your daughter does not conform to the stereotype of a young girl. Please try to let that go, and pay more attention to actual challenges she may need support with, and nurturing the talents she has. (And all kids have challenges of one sort or another.) [/quote]

I don't think I'm responding to my own stereotypes.  I have no real issues with her disliking babies/toddlers, even though I may try to (unsuccessfully) shift her attitudes by saying things like she was also a baby/toddler that I absolutely adored.  Or try to cultivate some kind of relationship with her younger cousins by describing how much they look up to her and arrange times for them to spend time together, which ultimately seems to backfire. It did concern me when she made the comment about leaving the baby on the side of the road, because that's on a different level.[/quote]

No this child is clearly not fine. It's ok to not like little kids. But what normal 11 year old says they would leave a baby to die. This child is disturbed. 
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