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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Just posting in support, OP.  What has helped me is that, as we have become adults, my much younger sister and I have started talking about it.  Hearing her experience was the same as mine (I was out of the house for much of her childhood) makes me realize that I'm not the crazy one - I really did go through the gaslighting and the manipulation.

Relationships have been hard, and I did not choose men well (until I totally lucked upon my DH later in life. I definitely wouldn't have married him when I was less mature, however.

I've stopped seeking emotional support from my mother, and as a result we have a polite relationship now.  But we aren't close at all.  She has little idea of what is going on in my life, and no interest in learning about it.

I also found that seeking and cultivating relationships with other women is important.  My closest female friendships fill a gap that my mother never did.[/quote]

How was your sister with relationships? I ask bc me and my sibling grew up as you describe. However, my older sister chose horrible men and did not grow up at all. I am the opposite. I get why she is the way she is, but am also angry and resentful that I had to deal with the same stuff but ultimately made better choices while she still continues to blame my mom while also using her for help. [/quote]

I’m a new poster but I’ve never heard a better description of my own family dynamics.

After a rocky start and a four year relationship with a narcissist I took some time out of relationships and found someone who is very good to me and complements me.

My sister on the other hand chose the most selfish, cheap guy who never lifts a finger even to feed himself or their children. Meanwhile she basically asked my mother to raise her children from birth and yet constantly treats her terribly and complains about her. And my mom complains bitterly as well.

They are toxic mirror images of each other and I feel trapped in these toxic relationships.  I have weekly therapy and it helps a lot. It makes the situation feel tolerable even as it still feels terrible.

I have to take responsibility for my own life and happiness. I have no solutions (other than therapy which has greatly helped me).  But I wish strength and self admiration to all of you with similar struggles. [/quote]

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