Reply to Having a Sibling is Overrated

Forum Index » Infants, Toddlers, & Preschoolers

Reply to "Having a Sibling is Overrated"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Having a sibling is overrated. We couldn't have a second due to infertility and I was DEVASTATED. Both because I wanted that child so badly, and because I grieved the relationship my child wouldn't have the opportunity to have. But you know, she's a teenager now and is clear that she loves our family structure, does not want a sibling, and wants to have one child of her own. She's old enough to know what having a sibling means, positive and negative, and prefers her family the way it is. It's been humbling to watch her grow in her perspectives and to learn from her. She has lifelong friends, cousins, one of which is also an only child, and a (hopefully) future spouse. We've planned for the future and while she won't have anyone to help (besides her spouse and her own network), she also won't have the conflicts with siblings that we've seen come up so many times already. Plus she'll have all of our inheritance once we go.

Life is what you make of it, and it feels like hubris to think that we as parents can plan our children's future and relationships with so much certainty. [/quote]

Do you think your child is saying any of this to make you feel better? It sounds like you are getting a lot of validation from her comments on this topic and that’s probably reinforcing her commentary. And how can she say that she’s happier without than with a sibling? How can you say that? There’s not some randomized control trial occurring elsewhere. The truth is you have no idea how happy or unhappy you would be. I’m glad you’ve found peace with a difficult and unfair situation but I would be concerned if my child was laying the one child thing on so thick. It feels like it’s about her trying to please you. Would you be hurt if she had more than one child? It sounds like you would be. [/quote]

DP. Wow, what an insensitive, presumptuous and frankly cruel response to a very reasonable post. Yikes. Maybe spend some time reflecting on why it is that you feel compelled to interrogate people in this way. Do you have some insecurities about your family and choices?[/quote]

How was what I wrote cruel? I said her circumstances were unfair and difficult. That can be true and at the same time she cannot seek validation from her teenage daughter that their situation was the best/only possible good situation. Two things can be true. I know some people struggle with that, but it’s true.

I don’t have hangups about my family and probably as a result, neither do my kids. None of them are running around telling me how many children they want to have later in life which is actually healthy. They are focused on the present, as am I. PP can take what she wants from my post but she sounds like she has little self awareness - as do you. [/quote]

Pressed send before reading what the PP who I originally responded to wrote. You sound like a great parent and you seem very thoughtful. [/quote]

Lol, PP again. Thank you, I appreciate that. [/quote]

PP again just because I'm thinking about it now. I would like to add that I've had many, many conversations with adult only children over the years. Both when we were struggling to seek validation that it would be okay, and after when they wanted to share their experiences. Like PP's with siblings have said on this thread, childhood experiences are mixed and so much of it is the child's temperament and how they are parented. I know only children that loved their childhood and only had one child themselves to replicate their experience. Ones that liked their childhood but had a second to see what the sibling relationship was like or because their spouse wanted another. Ones that were lonely and said I should have a second no matter what it took. What I took away from all of those many conversations over the years is that you are most likely to set your child(ren) up for a happy childhood if you are confident and happy in your family yourself. A strong, supportive, healthy family is the most important thing and the thing that parents have the most control over. And just like children with siblings need their parents to provide individual attention and support, only children need their parents to provide socialization and opportunities to build lifelong relationships with peers. We're lucky because we have local cousins and close friends, but even if it doesn't come easily, it is still very important to build. The biggest difference I've found is when only children are raised by introverted, distant parents that didn't make the effort to bring along a friend, find another family to vacation with, host allll of the sleepovers, sign up for the extracurriculars, etc. etc. Those are the that kids end up lonely and cautioning against one child. The rest are just kids and have normal childhoods like everyone else.[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics