Reply to Having a Sibling is Overrated

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Reply to "Having a Sibling is Overrated"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Having a sibling is overrated. We couldn't have a second due to infertility and I was DEVASTATED. Both because I wanted that child so badly, and because I grieved the relationship my child wouldn't have the opportunity to have. But you know, she's a teenager now and is clear that she loves our family structure, does not want a sibling, and wants to have one child of her own. She's old enough to know what having a sibling means, positive and negative, and prefers her family the way it is. It's been humbling to watch her grow in her perspectives and to learn from her. She has lifelong friends, cousins, one of which is also an only child, and a (hopefully) future spouse. We've planned for the future and while she won't have anyone to help (besides her spouse and her own network), she also won't have the conflicts with siblings that we've seen come up so many times already. Plus she'll have all of our inheritance once we go.

Life is what you make of it, and it feels like hubris to think that we as parents can plan our children's future and relationships with so much certainty. [/quote]

Do you think your child is saying any of this to make you feel better? It sounds like you are getting a lot of validation from her comments on this topic and that’s probably reinforcing her commentary. And how can she say that she’s happier without than with a sibling? How can you say that? There’s not some randomized control trial occurring elsewhere. The truth is you have no idea how happy or unhappy you would be. I’m glad you’ve found peace with a difficult and unfair situation but I would be concerned if my child was laying the one child thing on so thick. It feels like it’s about her trying to please you. Would you be hurt if she had more than one child? It sounds like you would be. [/quote]

DP. Wow, what an insensitive, presumptuous and frankly cruel response to a very reasonable post. Yikes. Maybe spend some time reflecting on why it is that you feel compelled to interrogate people in this way. Do you have some insecurities about your family and choices?[/quote]

How was what I wrote cruel? I said her circumstances were unfair and difficult. That can be true and at the same time she cannot seek validation from her teenage daughter that their situation was the best/only possible good situation. Two things can be true. I know some people struggle with that, but it’s true.

I don’t have hangups about my family and probably as a result, neither do my kids. None of them are running around telling me how many children they want to have later in life which is actually healthy. They are focused on the present, as am I. PP can take what she wants from my post but she sounds like she has little self awareness - as do you. [/quote]

Wow, you are really committed to attacking people you don't know online.[/quote]

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