Reply to Having a Sibling is Overrated

Forum Index » Infants, Toddlers, & Preschoolers

Reply to "Having a Sibling is Overrated"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Having a sibling is overrated. We couldn't have a second due to infertility and I was DEVASTATED. Both because I wanted that child so badly, and because I grieved the relationship my child wouldn't have the opportunity to have. But you know, she's a teenager now and is clear that she loves our family structure, does not want a sibling, and wants to have one child of her own. She's old enough to know what having a sibling means, positive and negative, and prefers her family the way it is. It's been humbling to watch her grow in her perspectives and to learn from her. She has lifelong friends, cousins, one of which is also an only child, and a (hopefully) future spouse. We've planned for the future and while she won't have anyone to help (besides her spouse and her own network), she also won't have the conflicts with siblings that we've seen come up so many times already. Plus she'll have all of our inheritance once we go.

Life is what you make of it, and it feels like hubris to think that we as parents can plan our children's future and relationships with so much certainty. [/quote]

Do you think your child is saying any of this to make you feel better? It sounds like you are getting a lot of validation from her comments on this topic and that’s probably reinforcing her commentary. And how can she say that she’s happier without than with a sibling? How can you say that? There’s not some randomized control trial occurring elsewhere. The truth is you have no idea how happy or unhappy you would be. I’m glad you’ve found peace with a difficult and unfair situation but I would be concerned if my child was laying the one child thing on so thick. It feels like it’s about her trying to please you. Would you be hurt if she had more than one child? It sounds like you would be. [/quote]

DP. Wow, what an insensitive, presumptuous and frankly cruel response to a very reasonable post. Yikes. Maybe spend some time reflecting on why it is that you feel compelled to interrogate people in this way. Do you have some insecurities about your family and choices?[/quote]

Ha, PP here. Was typing my reply when you replied. Thanks for the support. Maybe I just woke up on the right side of the bed today, but I took that reply as measured and not too DCUM cruel. My point is not that having siblings is BAD or having one child is better, but that there are benefits to both choices and I agree with the OP (from 2014!) that the reason to have another child is because YOU really want to raise another child. Because I felt the way most people did many years ago that giving your child a sibling is a default and something you should do for the sake of your first child if possible. But life can teach you lessons in hard ways, and I know now that there is no better or worse than, just different. If I could reverse time and have had that second, I still would. But only because I love my child so much and would love to love another the same way. Not because I still feel like she's missed out or her life would have been better. Different, yes, better, no. [/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics