Reply to If your parents lived amicably and then divorced while you were in college, how did you do?

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Reply to "If your parents lived amicably and then divorced while you were in college, how did you do?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here.  These are helpful perspectives. In my case, I don't think our marriage will improve when the kid is older because the kid is the thing that brings us joy as a couple. We do really like spending time together as a family, but don't spend much time together outside of the kid. Once she's out of the house, I cannot imagine that we will want to stay together.  [b]We want to live in totally different climates, we want to do totally different things in retirement, etc.[/b]  We don't have a lot of conflict right now, but once our kid has launched, there really won't be anything binding us to one another.  [b]For example, he wants to move to a colder environment and I can't imagine moving because of him and he can't imagine staying here because of me. We have really different desires for the next phase of our lives, and compromising for one another feels weird when there's no real connection between us. [/b]

I don't think we would ever put our kid in the middle, make her feel badly, talk trash about one another, fight about supporting her, etc. When it comes to how we treat our kid, we are really aligned.  I think we'd be fine, for example, visiting her at college together and we'd work to make sure that she has equal time with each of us over summers, vacations, etc. (e.g. even if my partner moves, I think he'd come to the DMV for her school vacations so that she could see both of us and her friends, and I would support her going to his location when that makes sense too).[/quote]

From a more neutral, objective perspective, the bolded seem like really silly reasons to get a divorce. There are so many better ways to get what you need. Your desires might change. My guess is that you are just bored. That's not a reason to get a divorce now, much less live the next ten years with one foot out the door.

Your kid is 7, so I'm guessing you have at least a decade until she goes to college, and I'm guessing you have even longer before you're retired. The next 10-20 years will change things a lot.

Last point: if you do get divorced, you might end up with another partner. Your DH might, too. You have no idea how that will change the dynamics. I.e., that might change whether your DH will want to "come to the DMV for her school vacations," or whether you'd want to visit her together.[/quote]

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