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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP: thank you all for sharing. Reading your responses kinda scares me. If I’m going to be dealing with this awful pile of trash for the foreseeable future I wonder if I can even come close to recovering feelings for my spouse?

Day to day I like my spouse, we get along well but it feels like I’m living with someone who shot me…sure the gun has been taken away but they still shot me. I’m hanging out with someone who was awful and it’s like I’m now betraying myself. I suppose healing or something like it will come once I’m able to separate the crime from the criminal. 
Make sense? [/quote]

I’m the 20+ year poster who’s still in the relationship. Yes, you absolutely can recover the feelings you remember. It didn’t take too long in fact. If your case is anything like mine, it wasn’t being shot because it wasn’t an attack on me. Maybe he just felt a craving for sex he couldn’t control. Maybe he did it for a few months and then felt so guilty he confessed and repented and has been transparently committed from then on. Well, that’s my story, and if yours is anything like it then you’ll get through it. I don’t think of the betrayal as a crime, just as a mistake made out of weakness. [/quote]

OP:
Thank you for this. 
Spouse had been carrying on for about a year and a half and lying throughout, it’s the lies that I’m having the most trouble getting over. 
I know how feelings for another can develop quickly and come out of nowhere for someone, it can feel so good and become so addictive but toying with the person who has committed to you sort of feels like it’s bordering on unforgivable.

Upon being caught they said that they were just about to end it with the AP because things between us had become so great and it wasn’t going anywhere anyway, but I’m sort of having a hard time believing that.

[/quote]

PP. I’m sorry, that sounds hard. In my case the confession was spontaneous and the remorse clear and heartfelt. I’d be willing to give your DH the benefit of the doubt that he might have been about to end it, but his actions will hint at whether that is true. Things like total transparency, no further contact, no sign of resentment of you, etc. I know the lies hurt, they really hurt, but what he did wasn’t supposed to hurt you, he is just selfish and weak. [/quote]

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