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[quote=Anonymous]OP here. To clarify a few things:

We live in Massachusetts. I re-read my OP and realized I didn’t state that.

I am not looking for alimony and I don’t want to touch or even consider his 401k/retirement.

I really just wanted to know what is fair for me to ask for from our assets.  Again I’m not looking to shake him down, even if me taking nothing is what’s fair, I’ll accept that. I just truly don’t know. And YES, I know, that’s where a lawyer comes in. I have one, I just haven’t officially hired her yet because I was hoping we could settle this in mediation but I’m almost positive we can’t at this point.

Yes, the down payment for the condo was probably all his money. I say probably because our accounts have been commingled since we married in mid-2019, we bought the condo (deed and mortgage are in both our names) in Jan 2021, so I have no idea what % I put in, but I’m not going to pretend like I contributed a significant amount.

Though I make a small salary in DCUM-land, I am fine. My apartment is just outside the city, the rent is so-so, I max out my 401k, have no debt, no car payment, my company pays my health insurance. I say this to make a point that I’ll be fine, even if I walk away with nothing.

Someone asked if I am the person whose husband was having mysterious ailments, seizures, etc - YES that was me. Yes, I’m an idiot. I finally left in early July.

Someone mentioned him stealing my youth or something like that. I very much wanted kids, and we weren’t able to for a while (we both did some testing, things were fine on my end, his sperm wasn’t good, most likely from alcohol abuse), then at some point I obviously decided I can’t have kids with a person like this.
I don’t blame him, I blame myself. I didn’t know any of this when we got married, gods honest truth. But I could’ve taken more time to get to know him, I could’ve listened to my gut, I could’ve stuck to my boundaries and not put up with his sh**.  Those are decisions I made and I can live with that. 
My work pays up to $60k in reproductive assistance (IVF, IUI, etc) so I think I’m going to freeze my eggs (at the ripe age of 38) as a last hail mary.  But I think I’ll be fine either way. I don’t feel a deep sadness about not having kids.  This doesn’t have much to do with anything but someone mentioned it which caused me to go off on a tangent here :/

He is begging me to stay, and I just can’t. The straw that finally broke the camels back was me having to barricade the door with my body to stop him from leaving after he got a DUI, woke up, and started immediately drinking, then wanted to go to the bar at 10am to continue.  He had court in 2 days and was going to be in withdrawal (after a 4-5 day bender) for about 48 hours so needed to stop immediately (sadly I’ve learned all this math).

Anyways so yes, the whole thing sucks, and it’s really sad.  He’s the kindest man you’d ever meet (if we’re excluding the alcohol issues, which I know we can’t).  So, I don’t want to “take” anything that’s not mine, and I won’t, but I also would like even just a small nugget to start fresh.

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