Reply to How do you “emotionally support” a woman?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]What does a man need to do to not be served divorced papers? If he is a good father, he helps around the house, he is not an alcoholic and isn’t physically and mentally abusive, what else does he need to do to keep his wife happy?

Specifically, what exactly do women mean when they complain that their husbands are not  “emotionally supportive”?

How do you show “emotional support”?
I’m getting divorced because my soon to be ex wife said that we grew apart because I was not emotionally supportive. I never dismissed her when she came to me with things that were bothering her at work or with her girlfriend, every time she got into a fight with her mom I was there to support her, when she came home stressed from work and was crying I supported her and I even helped her change career and get a better job.

[/quote]

After reading your initial post and all the replies, OP, my only takeaway is that you sound like my DH, who was diagnosed with autism in his late 30s. Like you, he is baffled by my reaction to his lack of emotional intelligence, and is constantly seeking out a magic checklist of sorts. Sometimes a therapist or I will try to be more prescriptive with him, but then I see him just going through the rote motions 1-2x and then slacking off and getting frustrated because I wasn’t somehow permanently satisfied by 2 days of attempted emotional engagement.

If you really think your relationship can be boiled down to stuff like not being an alcoholic and helping out, and are concerned that you might be served papers, and can’t see all the stuff in between those two steps, you might be facing a situation caused by neurodiversity. You should seek out the advice of a therapist and get an adult neurological work up to help you understand how your brain works vs. your wife’s.[/quote]

Why did you marry this guy? Did you not realize this was a problem before he got diagnosed? I have some sympathy for the women who marry some guy with ADHD, which starts to show as life gets more hectic. But it's not like someone suddenly comes to lack emotional intelligence.

I always suspect that there are women out there who wanted the wedding and the kids but then get sick of the marriage once they've gotten what they wanted. You might be one of those.[/quote]

I'm not the PP you're responding to, but even I know that people on the spectrum can put a lot of effort into hiding it in the beginning of a relationship.  [/quote]

He didn't have a diagnosis until late 30s. Why characterize this as intentionally putting "a lot of effort into hiding it in the beginning" as opposed to just doing his best, as most people do at the beginning of a relationship? Everyone puts their best foot forward at the beginning of the relationship. If he didn't have a diagnosis, what would he be hiding?[/quote]

Not the poster you are responding to, but the diagnosis is just a clinical conclusion after an assessment. He didn't suddenly become autistic at the time of diagnosis.

It's true that some people put their best foot forward and try hard during the early days of a relationship, only to "drop the mask" later on. Hard to believe that that's what was going on here though, for long enough to get OP to marry him.[/quote]

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