Reply to Did disagreement over elder care cause a permanent rift among your siblings?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Why do siblings get mad at the other sibling for setting boundaries and prioritizing their own family over dying parents? We all have a choice.[/quote]

Sure.  So my choice is to prioritize my mental health and wash my hands of that sibling.  Surviving parent is about to do that same thing.  Hopefully sibling will be okay when his kids do the same when he’s dying.  Not my circus, not my monkeys.

My family went thru this.  In retrospect my brother’s lack of any care or empathy shouldn’t have surprised me.  And while I’m still a little sad for my parent(s), they created, or at least allowed, my brother’s self-centeredness.

For those of you going thru this, my recommendation is to act in a way that you won’t regret later.  My brother stuck his head in the sand regarding our father’s dementia - I had pretty much stopped taking to my brother during the last two years of my father’s life, but I told him twice it was getting significantly worse, and he should visit before it was too late, which was all my mom wanted.  He never visited.  I don’t know if he regrets that now or not, or will in the future, but I know I don’t regret what I did.

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