Reply to Millennial women are saying no thanks to parenthood

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I don’t want to derail this thread so let’s please not get into Ali Wong and her marriage, but I just wanted to mention that I started thinking seriously about this after watching I think it was her Baby Cobra set? Where she talks about wanting to be a SAHM mom because she thinks being a working woman is a scam. The current configuration where women continue to be expected to be beautiful by misogynistic standards, sexually available at all times, do all the childrearing, all of the mental load of running a household, AND get a degree and work full time is NOT what feminism fought for or is about. It is a scam.

Dating in my late twenties was illuminating to me because I found that misogyny and sexism were as prevalent as ever but look different now. Highly educated and high achieving Millennial dudes all wanted a woman who earned more than them and wanted to freeze her eggs and wait until her late 30s to have kids so they could maximize their own time to travel and party and focus solely on themselves. They openly looked down on women who wanted to have children or who didn’t prioritize high earning careers. They claimed it’s because they were feminists but really they just wanted women to take care of them and wanted zero family responsibilities. They also had zero regard for how hard it is for women physically and emotionally to battle infertility in their late 30s and 40s in order to buy their manchildren husbands a few extra years of party time. [/quote]

+100.  This is also why there’s a lot to be said for dating intentionally for marriage in college/grad school and not writing off young marriage as something that only backwoods, flyover state rubes do.  Men who are traditionally minded (in that they are on board with, or even actively prefer, a wife who wants to stay home to raise kids while they support the family financially) still exist, but they are off the market early.  [/quote]

I’m from a flyover city and find my friends who attended state colleges and married young have actually done better financially on average compared to friends I’ve met in DC.  They also appear happier but that is difficult to judge. This is more from a financial perspective and ignoring other measures of success.  It’s like these women knew to lock down a normal guy early on who would be a good provider and support a stable home.  A lot of these men now own small businesses, continued in the family business etc.

[/quote]

I know a lot of people like this too. I think a major factor in this working is that they stayed in low COL areas where they could get married at 22 or 24, save up for a couple years and buy a SFH at 25 or 26, and then be in a position where the wives could become SAHMs by 27 or 28 when they had their first kid. It's all dependent on the idea that you live somewhere where housing is affordable and it's possible for a family of 4 or 5 to get by on one decent income. These are people who bought 4 bedroom houses in good school districts for 150k back in 2005. It's just a totally different financial situation than being in a place like DC.

Staying in my home town or near my family was not really a possibility for me (abusive, dysfunctional family) but I do sometimes wish we'd moved to a smaller more affordable city about 5 years before having a baby and built a life somewhere  more reasonable. I just know women who were able to SAHM for a few years and still return to careers, without it being a financial burden, and who will be able to retire in their late 50s well after kids are done with college and house is paid off, and have a pretty comfortable life. Everything here is so hard, but our jobs are tied to this area and at this point we've been here 20 years, it's hard to leave.[/quote]

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