Reply to Do you feel marital money is truly equal?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I would not be excited about my salary going to my inlaws. Not that I would discount the idea of helping them if necessary, but within limits. [/quote]

+1
There is nearly a 0% chance I want to spend money on my ILs care.  I suggest to liquidate all their assets and use their assets to pay for their care.  Same for my parents.[/quote]

Plus, [b]what kind of selfish person doesn't plan their own retirement/ care and thinks their own children are a retirement plan [/b]So strange to me. The kids should absolutely oversee the care and quality. But pay for? No way![/quote]

Pretty much everyone in some cultures.[/quote]
DP. I always see these references and they just seem inaccurate. For one, I have a lot of East Asian friends and what I see is that their parents will scrimp and save to help them get through school with no loans and when they have kids will at a minimum take care of the baby full time for the first 100 days and frequently up until school age. So the cultural expectation isn’t just that the elderly parents get all their expenses paid for in old age. In contrast, my
White in-laws could give a rats ass about their parents other than to collect an inheritance (never called, didn’t attend their funerals), did not pay for DH’s college, have never watched our children or even know their birthdays, and now it’s “well in some cultures everyone takes care of their elders.” [/quote]

The cultures where kids take care of their parents are also cultures where parents sacrifice everything to put their kids in a better position than they were.  And is one of the reasons such cultures preferred boys.   And it works, until it doesn’t because someone doesn’t want to meet these expectations, or marries someone who doesn’t have these expectations, or grows up in a Western culture, where they don’t see how their parents take care of their grandparents, so aren’t raised fully immersed in that culture. 
[/quote]

That is right. My in-laws, corn-fed Americans, earned a good income but lived very high on the hog. Like grasshoppers, they lived for the day with no thought for saving for the future. He assumed he would just keep working. Bad assumption. Sometimes you get so bad at your job that it is illegal to keep working.
I won’t let them go hungry, but I am not going to spend a substantial amount of our income keeping them in nice private nursing care. It would cost 4 times our mortgage![/quote]

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