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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My DW makes more despite my many efforts to escape my GS15 job nothing pays better for my role.

I do a lot around the house but I know she wishes she could quit, but she doesn’t want to shift to a GS15 lifestyle.

The worst is I’m a very involved parent, but after trying to be the “play date” dad and “room parent “ dad, realize it has to be the mom, because it’s 99% of the time the moms and being the dad makes it hard for our kids. [/quote]

I’d commiserate that taking the lead on some of the social aspects of parenting can be harder as a dad but being the default parent is a lot more than setting up playdates or volunteering in the classroom.  When you say you handle a lot of the stuff around the house does that just entail standard day to day chores or are you being proactive in taking on other aspects of being the default parent without being asked to do so)

(Ie are you regularly going through your kids closets to weed out too small/worn out/weather inappropriate clothes and buying replacements? Are you personally tracking when medical/dental appointments need to be scheduled and doing so?) Are you researching summer camps/childcare/extracurricular activities and tracking sign up procedures and deadlines and filling out related paperwork? Are you regularly monitoring the kids’ school assignments and handling classroom asks to bring in materials/baked goods or dress up for themed events)?

I think most wives would be thrilled to have a husband actually taking the lead in many/most of these areas while bringing in a GS-15 salary. (Even though it tends to just be the default expectation for a similarly positioned woman whose husband out earns her).
[/quote]

This. There is a lot about being a main parent than just showing up and escorting the kids. Each child basically requires a personal assistant in every aspect of life and it can be exhausting. I had a child who needed surgery for an invisible palate issue (very mild cleft but it was affecting speech). The effort just to get around insurance, being seen by cleft palate teams where everyone doesn't accept the same insurance, all the specialists and their evaluations... - it took a year and was almost a full-time job. At least that matter could be concluded after surgery. Imagine instead a child with long term special needs and that makes for unending hurdles in the parenting balance.

When my kids were finally in full-time school and old enough not to need me for almost everything, I could finally work full-time and out-earned my spouse.[/quote]

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