Reply to If I wait to tell my parents about my DD's possible diagnosis until after formal diagnosis will it blow up in my face

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Reply to "If I wait to tell my parents about my DD's possible diagnosis until after formal diagnosis will it blow up in my face"

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[quote=Anonymous]I worked with a CBT therapist for a few sessions when we were navigating my child’s diagnosis. It gave me a safe space to work through what to share/ how to share/ with whom. I was able to build a pretty flexible framework that works for me. That helps me manage my stress/ anxiety.

For my mom, who is anxious, I came up with some stock phrases I use to avoid getting too triggered (e.g. the uncertainty is difficult, so we’re focusing on what helps in specific settings/ yes it’s hard when we can’t do what we’ve always done/ I have to focus on meeting my kids’ needs right now, adults can take care of themselves/ different can still be fun/ sometimes we all need a break). And that helps me notice when I’ve had to use my phrases a lot, I can actively disengage from the topic.

I was also navigating some uncertainty with actual diagnoses so having a space to process that so it didn’t get exacerbated by others’ worries helped me. It turns out my concerns about diagnosis were accurate, but that didn’t change therapeutic interventions along the way.

For the appointment, the waitlists can be over a year, so I would just say “ We got a spot sooner than you expected and things have been busy. Now what are we planning for Thanksgiving that everyone will enjoy?”

My parents work best when we gave them specific ways to help. Ultimately a driver of their anxiety is feeling helpless in the face of my challenges. My dad used to coach my brother’s sports teams. So for my less coordinated child, he focused on playing catch and kicking a ball (DH and I are terrible at sports). My mom is a great cook, so she made more biscuits than I can count with my kids. It helped with motor skills etc, and also maintained a family tradition and connection.

I would share some of the books I was reading like Ross Greene. And it was heart-warming how hard they work to follow my lead with handling challenging moments.

This isn’t to say there haven’t been hard moments.  My now 13yo DS is famous for having told his grandmother that “it’s ok we all get too mad sometimes” after his grandmother had a meltdown. He was 3, she was 73. We all held our breath, but she laughed and then she cried and then it was ok.

Their efforts continue to help since my nephew also has ended up having some more intense special needs. My brother and SIL have been able to share more with my parents because they’ve seen their efforts.

Good luck! Connection to grandparents is beautiful when you can make it work.[/quote]

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