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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I was friends with someone who did part-time work at one of the competitive (but not big three) schools in MoCo. She ended up leaving because she said the kids were so stressed out and fearful of anything short of perfection. She was a high achiever herself and from a highly competitive public school in the Northeast. She thought it was not the DMV but more the times. [/quote]

It’s definitely the times. I live elsewhere and am involved in independent school leadership. We hear parents during  admissions season say they want a supportive community, a low-pressure school focused on individuals, not achievement, and a place where their child is valued for who they are. And these parents genuinely want this- it’s not fake. But once their child is in school the script flips and they want to know why we aren’t testing, why exmissions weren’t “better”, comparisons to other area schools, and explanations for why their 2nd grader is doing pre-calc.

[b]It is ALL fear and insecurity and it comes from parents who don’t actually know their own values and what they hold important. They are scared to be in touch with or even discuss what they’re trying to get out of in life, and they fall back on the safety of external validation and “achievement” once their children are old enough to be compared to others or have to compete for resources.[/b]

It’s probably the biggest problem facing schools, parents, and kids.[b] And I have no idea how it can get fixed because so few people dare to walk away from the game- and those that do are often so privileged that they are actually the ones running the game and making the rules.[/b][/quote]

I think you ended up inadvertently nailing the point here --[/quote]

But this definitely isn't the case in this day and age. The external markers of adulthood -- buying a house in a good pyramid, saving for your kids' college while also paying for daycare, medical expenses, and retirement, have all gotten incredibly expensive. Income inequality is at an all-time high.

To survive in this world, kids need to be at the top of their game economically. And that means that they have to CRUSH IT in their schoolwork and ECs in high school, get accepted into a reputable college (not necessarily an elite one, but at the very least a solid school like VA Tech), and major in CS or Finance or do pre-med.

After college graduation, young adults these days MUST go into tech or finance or into med school (with hopes of matching into a lucrative speciality, not something like pediatrics) if they want to be UMC (not rich, just comfortable) in this day and age. 
 [/quote]

DP.  Fwiw, this is incorrect.  Income inequality is at an all time high but that's a red herring.  Aside from the 0.0001%, the MC is shrinking because the UMC/UC is increasing.  The size of the LC is not growing, the MC are moving up.  Gen Z has figured out that a college degree is not worth it for many people and companies/employers are dropping these requirements.  While doctors and lawyers can be lucrative stable careers (or not), there are plenty of other avenues to UMC/UC lives for our kids.

It may be hard to see in the Bay Area, and it may be hard to see in the DMV, but we don't need to fight over Ivy/top tier schools for our kids.  The pressure and insecurity is false.  [/quote]

PP here. No, you’re totally wrong. There are NOT a lot of other avenues to the UMC for kids these days except for tech, finance, medicine, consulting, or corporate law. And where you go to college matters — full stop.

You seem like a deluded privileged person. You’re probably in the first or third category of what the PP described:

============

[/quote]

There are not a lot of other avenues for YOUR kids outside of what you've listed, because you've made them believe that. But that is not true for all other UMC kids.[/quote]

NP. But I just wanted to tell the Bay Area Asian parent to maybe consider not closing off their kids' options. I am 2nd gen Indian American and in my mid 40s; while my dh/I do fit your profile (medicine, law, tech,etc) quite a number of our cousins on both sides do not (generally a bit younger than us) and have been completely successful in other careers - psychology, journalist, fashion, architecture. I am very proud of them and am glad my aunts/uncles encouraged them! They are all living comfortable UMC lives (and in some cases are richer than this MD-Tech family).

With that being said, none of them would be where they are today without their parents. They encouraged them to take big risks (unpaid internships, low paid starter jobs etc), and in many cases financed this risk taking. It obviously paid off. Maybe your hard work can also help your kids take risks with a landing pad, PP. [/quote]

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