Reply to Do any SAHMs regret it because of financial reasons?

Forum Index » Money and Finances

Reply to "Do any SAHMs regret it because of financial reasons?"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]NP and I haven't read the replies, but I'm giving you mine.

DH and I met in law school and we both started out in Big Law, then I got the consulting job of my dreams so I did that. We had no family nearby. When we decided to have kids, it became clear that something had to give or we'd have to nanny out our kids. I decided to SAH because my job involved too much travel, and even if I went part-time it wouldn't work.

In our situation, DH could really concentrate on work, and because of that, he became a much bigger deal than he otherwise would.  It's the same old annoying story, that man who is wildly successful but supported by a woman (or women) who is running everything non-work-related in his life.  This model works but yes, there is a bit of invisibility in the job. (my job).

We had some rough times (miscarriage, SN kid, cancer, DH depression at one point, parent illnesses and deaths, mentally unstable teen), but while I felt I was too rusty to re-enter my field, I never felt vulnerable financially partly because of the way we invested our money, but mostly because my DH is the kind of person that would not leave me or us out financially even if the marriage did not work out. He's not mean, hostile, or vindictive, so a bad situation would not trigger that response in him. So my point here is, since it is a financial risk for you, you have to be honest with yourself about your DH's character.

Also, I'll say something that really helped our marriage early on when we had a toddler and an infant. I stopped giving him "the second shift" --basically the honey-do list when he came home. That took a lot of pressure off him, and I think subconciously, made him want to come home, and he found ways to come home earlier. Basically, I just decided to create an environment where he'd want to come home.  At work, he's got pressure and the work is never-ending, but also, he had a bunch of people fawning all over him, and both those things contribute to workaholism.  While that can be intoxicating, it's still not as good as when your loved ones are excited to see you walk through the door.

We just celebrated our 25th anniversary and were at a hotel and the young staff kept asking us what the secret was.  We hadn't reflected on that, so we discussed it at dinner.  We decided that it was that we:
1) both considered ourselves lucky to have the other, and 
2) both tried hard to be worthy of the other. 
That mentality definitely requires adoption by both indivdiuals; it won't work one-sided.  But if your marriage has that, then that's a good indicator that you can take the SAH leap of faith.

Good luck, OP!
[/quote]

Thank you, sane person, for this post.[/quote]

It is nice to see other highly educated women with high earning potential make the choice to SAHP for many reasons.  Was not a lawyer, but gave up a 6 figure salary to stay home over 25 years ago with my oldest (and I was in my 20s at the time, so just starting out)---because I wanted to and thought it was best for our family.  You accurately described how home life is so much less stressed and allows the other parent to take on more risks, high powered, stressful career.  I did just that and don't regret it. There is no "his money, her money" it is OUR money and has always been.  Just celebrated 33 years and going strong.  [/quote]

That is great for you and all other professional women married to high earners, but this perspective does not adequately consider the risk inherent to relying upon another person for your financial well-being. [/quote]

in reality, what matters is that you commit to living on one person's salary, whatever that salary might be. We purchased our first home with the idea that we should be able to live comfortably (and with kids in the future) with just one income---could have gotten a much nicer home if we considered both salaries.  
Yes, you must trust your spouse---but I cannot imagine being in a marriage with someone I didn't trust/couldnt' rely on for my financial well being---if I thought that person had the potential to screw me over I simply couldn't' be married to them. 
And the worry of death/unable to work is covered by purchasing the proper insurance.

[/quote]

What an unbelievably privileged and myopic view.  Do you realize that for the vast majority of people simply opting to live on one person’s salary simply isn’t possible?[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics