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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I have what I would describe as an unequal relationship with my husband of 20+ years. He has always been the dominant one and has pressured me a lot over the years to agree to things I didn’t want to do. These included buying an expensive house; using an inheritance I received to pay for a home remodel; and now, he is pressuring me bigtime to sell this house and move 1000 miles away.

I do NOT want to move but I’ve gone along with it because he wears me down with his arguing, pleading and guilt-inducing statements. Now we are at the point of getting ready to put the house on the market and I want to vomit. I don’t want to move. I don’t think I even want to spend the next 20 years with him. When I think of a happy future, he’s not in it.

I have to tell him tonight that I don’t want to move, and this is going to lead straight into what’s probably going to become a divorce conversation. I don’t feel ready to tell him this but I am now backed into a corner. I have  no time to find a therapist where I could deliver the news in a neutral setting.

Any advice on how to stand up to him and have this conversation? I’m so anxious I can hardly breathe.[/quote]

Be a reasonable adult and dissolve this partnership amicably to part ways. Find an attorney and file for divorce. [b]You don't need a therapist to hold your hand,[/b] ask PCP to prescribe an anti anxiety medication for this phase of life. You can rent a furnished studio until you guys sell house and then buy a condo of your own.

That being said, do know that grass isn't greener on any side so make a logical decision not an emotional one triggering by sale and relocation.[/quote]
I’m already on several anti anxiety meds because being around him stresses me out so much. As for delivering the news in a therapist’s office, it’s not “hand-holding.” It’s probably the only way I can do it. This isn’t a reasonable, calm person we’re talking about here. [/quote]

DP I get it OP I am married to the same guy. Blow ups and explosive rage. Not fun.

I am managing by setting very strict boundaries. Talk about triggering topics in a public place or in therapy only. You need to make it clear you will leave if he yells or get dysregulated or mad. You will be surprised how he can control himself if you set boundaries. This is not to blame you. It’s to put more of the control back in your hands.

I would definitely continue to emphasize these limits to him. Very short sentences in email. Make it so the only place you will discuss is therapy. He will go if he has to. He is used to strong arming his way around you. If you’re leaving though he has no more leverage.[/quote]

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