Reply to Should we medicate our teen daughter for anxiety

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Here is the thing op and something I did. Teens with severe anxiety are lambs in school and outside of home, but at home they are basically the worst terrorist to their loved ones.
You are the punching bag they need. However, you sit her down and say, "You are being abusive to us because you do not want to treat your anxiety. We understand why you are doing it, but being abusive is not ok, ever. We cannot live in the house with a person that is abusing us all the time. You either get treated, or you find another living situation. We are happy to schedule all the appointments and evaluations and pay for therapy and meds."

The part about another house might be over the top, but I said it to my then 17-year-old when he was physical with me and his sister. I was ready to follow through too, I would have paid for the hotel or Airbnb for a few days.[/quote]

I think you did the right thing.  Anxiety or not, boys especially respond to consequences less talk.  There is never an excuse to be violent and if my child did that, I would have said something similar[size=24] [/size].  Good job mom (or dad).  I hope it works out for the best.[/quote]
Thanks. It did work, he sought treatment after that and is/was in CBT and took meds for it. I did not yell or such, I explained that I understand why he acts like that but that we cannot be hostages in our house and live in fear. Imagine leaving him with his younger sister and him taking his anger out on her verbally and physically while I am at work?[/quote]

DP.  I agree that you did the right thing for you and your family.  My experience is similar but in addition to anxiety being a part of the problem, ADHD was part of the ugly tangle.  In my case, my oldest DS was unrelentingly mean to his younger brother. Youngest DS is also ND but doesn't have a mean bone in his body.  I was worried enough about him being a target at school but it was beyond the pale for him to be targeted at home, especially by his brother.

After one incident, I pulled oldest DS aside (he was probably 12) and told him that his behavior was abusive and that unless he made changes, I would have no choice but to make other living arrangements for him because I had to protect youngest DS from him.  Like you, I didn't yell or get emotional, I laid it out in black and white - he was causing damage to his youngest brother, making home, a place that should be safe, a refuge, into a hell for him and that I couldn't allow that.

I'm happy to say that oldest DS turned things around.  He's now 20, living at home and going to community college (can't say enough good things about CC). In the last couple years, he and youngest DS have actually become close.  I know it doesn't turn out that way for everyone and, actually, I didn't think they would.  I think maturity and well managed symptoms are a big part.  Hugs to you and those who are struggling with this.  [/quote]

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