Reply to How can I explain to good friends who don’t understand SNs why a weekend trip is not possible for my kids

Forum Index » Kids With Special Needs and Disabilities

Reply to "How can I explain to good friends who don’t understand SNs why a weekend trip is not possible for my kids "

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here. I tried to talk to my DH and he said the only thing he’s comfortable sharing is that our kids have some behavior challenges but he flipped out when I suggested sharing more. He kept going on and on about how I constantly overshare to try and make friends and it backfires on me, that this is personal info the kids will be judged on, that my friends will tell other parents in our small and competitive community and our kids will be judged, etc. He shut down any suggestion that people could grant us accommodation or Grace from disclosing additional information by saying that our kids have to live in this community for the next 15 years and he’ll be damned if I share their diagnoses with my friends because it’s not their business and they will judge us and tell other parents and gossip. And he said he’d rather be judged as an overbearing parent than have our kids private medical information shared. He said even when we have shared in the past about other medical issues they had (acute things) people don’t remember the details, just that your child has a problem. I don’t really know what to do…we are so far from being on the same page about this, and I don’t know how to get us on the same page. I’ve suggested marital counseling and therapy periodically for years (not just this but other issues) and he always says I’m the one with issues and I need to go but that he doesn’t. [/quote]

He's right that you need to go to therapy, not because your wrong, but because you very much need support in dealing with this situation. Starting individual therapy is step one. Hopefully the therapist can coach in dealing with him and the situation.

He's wrong to suggest that he doesn't have issues. Based on what you've written, he has MAJOR issues. Suggesting that your wrong to want friends (!?!), making connections always backfires, etc.. This is NOT normal.

You should also think hard about where your limit is, and how long you're willing to stay in this situation. That will also affect how much leverage you have to push couples/family therapy. It sounds like you've suggested it repeatedly in the past and then dropped it when he pushed. This sent the message that he can say no. At some point I'd think this refusal becomes a deal breaker, which gives you some leverage.

What happens if you just ignore him and tell your friends? And tell them about how difficult he is to deal with? And put all your cards on the table? If you're just honest with them regardless of him? I think you'd find support and understanding.

Now, one final, hard thing to put on the table - I don't know you or your situation, but there are also a couple of red flags that this could be an abusive relationship. The fact that he's cutting you off from other sources of support, the fact that you say he "flipped," the fact that he gets to control everything and you seem afraid to go against his wishes. Domestic violence doesn't always mean physical violence. It might not be this at all, but I feel like I have to put it out there, in case it is. If any of this resonates with you, I encourage you to reach out to support via family, friends, local organizations, or the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-7233.[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics