Reply to How can I explain to good friends who don’t understand SNs why a weekend trip is not possible for my kids

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Reply to "How can I explain to good friends who don’t understand SNs why a weekend trip is not possible for my kids "

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]First I am sorry that among all the other challenges, you are also grieving the loss of adult social outlets.

It was life changing when my oldest started eating enough foods that we could reliably go to most restaurants and find something besides a milkshake. I am ok feeding my kid a milkshake and fries for a meal when we’re on vacation - but it’s an issue when you are with other families and they need their kids to eat healthier food. It’s hard to explain to others that my kid’s need to eat specific foods or stand up and spin in circles next to the table or sit under the table for a while for a “break” is not a choice or bad parenting. Now he’s old enough to play with a fidget toy thankfully.

In your position, I would just be honest. I would say “we’d like to go, but certain things are challenging for us.” I think if you ask for help and understanding, real friends will step up. When you try to hide it, they think your kids are “being bad” and you are “ignoring it”. If you let your kids be themselves as opposed to being embarrassed by things like autistic hand flapping or other stims - you may find that other parts of the trip are easier. If you get embarrassed when your kids are not acting NT, it makes it hard on everybody.

I know you think people don’t notice your kids differences, but they probably do. A real friend will have empathy and will ask “How can we make this trip easier / avoid triggers for Larlo?” [/quote]

Feeding your kids anything to get them to eat is fine but it’s not ok to allow them to run around and spin.  Maybe give them a tablet but the movement is disturbing to others and a safety issue for staff.  Feed them before you go out.  My kid would not even eat fries or a milkshake when little.  There was also a time frame we just could not eat out and it sucked but it’s life.  [/quote]

I think we all need to get more comfortable with kids who stim.  Agree there are safety issues to be managed, but I've gotten to a point where I care a whole lot less about disturbing people. We can all learn to be more tolerant of these differences. I'm over the idea that SN parents need to prioritize NT peoples' comfort over their kids' needs. One of my kids rocks in their seat during car and airplane trips.  When we are flying, we are careful to put them in a seat where family is sitting next to and behind them to minimize disturbing others.  Still, I got a complaint from a person 2 rows back about the rocking.  I was sympathetic at first and tried to get my daughter to minimize it, but then this a**hole stayed up all night watching a movie and loudly talking to his girlfriend, disturbing everyone around him on an overnight flight.  On another trip, I caught a 20-something laughing at and filming my kid.  It still burns me that there is probably a video of my child out there on social media. [/quote]

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