Reply to Husband doesn't help with hardly anything

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I kind of call BS on your whole point of view here. You sound like the one who is depressed, not your spouse. You speak about your spouse with utter contempt. Like he’s some kind of total loser. But then we learn that he’s into fitness and runs and is killing it at work. So he doesn’t sound lazy.

It sounds like the two of you may have dramatically different points of view on how to parent. Maybe he doesn’t think your kid needs help with homework. Maybe he thinks your kids should manage homework on their own. Maybe he thinks that if he doesn’t have a morning meeting it’s OK for him to sleep late once in a while. Maybe he’s OK with more clutter around the house than you like. None of this would make him evil. Honestly, it’s how I live my life.

If my spouse was running around doing a bunch of stuff that I did not see as necessary or important, and was simultaneously treating me with utter contempt.…yeah. I don’t know. I’m not a dude, this is a woman speaking. Are you married this person and I have been with them for years so presumably you found something about them attractive and endearing. But now you’re talking about them like they are some sort of caricature.

You and your spouse could sit down and make a list of all home/parenting activities and logically split them up. Have you even tried to have that kind of discussion with your spouse in a non-offensive way, just a factual way? Or is it more fun to feel like a martyr and just be enraged at them? Do you do anything fun with your spouse at all? Maybe your spouse avoids being around you and your kid because you oppressively insist on getting your way at all times and are unwilling to see any merit in his different point of view, so in the end avoidance is the approach taken to avoid constant conflict.
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Dude, he doesn’t spend any time thinking or worrying about the family, or his kids’ schooling, or dumping everything on his wife.

He’s doing exactly what he wants to do, exactly when he wants to (eat, sleep, videos, work). Wife, house, child be damned. [/quote]

Op here. I feel like I’ve been really flexible as things have devolved. Dismissed it as “oh we are both just busy” or “this is what it’s like to be a working parent”. I let a LOT of messiness go, I let a lot of forgetfulness go, I let a lot of laziness go, especially when DD was younger. But now she’s older and more self sufficient, we shouldn’t be absolutely drowning. He’s not, but I am!

He truly was better. Not perfect, but much better. Now he’s home more, so he creates more messes but cleans up less, so it’s compounded. Now he’s not required to be up early for a commute, so it’s slipped into getting up as late as humanly possible. And no, no one can ever convince me that it’s a child’s responsibility to wake up their parent to get them to school on time. Particularly when it’s one of the few parenting tasks he does. It definitely feels like he only puts effort into things that interest him.

Chores and activity shuttling aren’t my favorite either, but it’s called being an adult and I just think it’s really crappy to not do your fair share.[/quote]

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