Reply to Parents of 3- do you wish you’d stopped at 2 or 1

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My second and third children were literally five minutes apart. No regrets.  Some people rise to the occasion, some people would still be overwhelmed with an only child or two children. I think it has less to do with the number of children, and more to do with the parents’ outlook and abilities to make peace with a little chaos.[/quote]

+100
I had three under three and I would never say this to anyone in real life, but I'm markedly less frazzled than some of my friends with one kid. It comes down to temperament and outlook. [/quote]

It comes down to standards. [/quote]

It sounds snobbish but sadly its true. You sure can have multiple children and raise them to adulthood but you are just spreading resources of time, care, supervision, involvement and opportunities too thin so yes standards are compromised. Insisting and pretending they aren't is deluding self not others.
[/quote]

I mean, unless you’re wealthy. My SAHM/big law partner parent combo provided far more resources, time and opportunities for their four kids when I was growing up than I now have in my dual-income/two working parent UMC household with two kids. It’s mostly about money. [/quote]

It is the ultimate status symbol to have a beautiful smart SAHM with lots of children in private school. You know you made it if you can afford to live a nice life with a wife who doesn’t work with a nanny and have 3-4 kids in private school.

This is different than having a dual income UMC household saving to full pay college for 2 kids.[/quote]

This describes my family to a T, but you know what? [b]I would be the same parent even without the money and extras.[/b] At the end of the day your kid just wants you present and patient. Those of you saying you ability to parent three kids well comes down to the ability to pay for travel sports and vacations in Maui are totally missing the point. If that's what you think you offer to your kids that's really sad. [/quote]

No, you would not be. As someone who has done it both ways: NO, you would not be. Just the ignorance of this statement.

It's true that at the end of the day your kids want you present and patient. I think you vastly underestimate how far money goes to making that possible. I think I'm a good parent with money and without, but I'm a better parent with money and "extras" because I'm less stressed and have more options.

And that's why some people report lower satisfaction with 3+ kids, because unless you are wealthy, this will raise your stress and reduce your options. And that makes you a worse parent. In a place like the DMV, which has a high cost of living and very high standards for what constitutes good parenting, it's even harder because if you have less money than others, you will always be aware of that gap. It's not about travel sports and vacations -- it's about family stability, housing, schools, the ability for one or both parents to work less or not at all. If you can't see this, you need to get out more.[/quote]

I think you’re both right, but looking at this from different perspectives. Raising 4 kids in a small apartment or without money to feed everyone sounds incredibly stressful and awful.

But I think PP is assuming everyone on here is pretty comfortable. And so I agree with PP that once you can cover the basics, you can raise happy well adjusted kids regardless of whether they are spending their summer at a local pool or traveling Europe.

It reminds me of that Harvard study on money and happiness. This was years ago. They found that if you have under $70k, money really does equate to happiness. But once you have over that amount, and the basics are covered, money has much less to do with happiness. [/quote]

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