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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, your brother is giving your mom a gift. I'm not sure how you came to the understanding that you were part of that? Just like if someone treated someone to dinner I would not expect that to be a group thing? And I don't think it is personal, necessarily. And when they were vague, another clue. Is this intrinsic to your family or do you often have trouble reading social situations and cues? It always sucks to not be included, I get that. But how did this go on for months? I was a family scapegoat so I am not dismissing your feelings but this was not about you and now you feel hurt and embarrassed. Have you ever travelled one on one with your mom? The 3 of you? When was the last time you saw her? Do you see your brother one on one? Last time?

I would not go, I don't think it will go well or resolve your feelings. Plan another trip with your mom or send a card. Plan something nice with your own family or friends who DO include you. I'm sorry. [/quote]

Oh, it was because we started planning a trip for all 3 of us right before the pandemic, and then we had to kick it down the road. At some point, they must have decided that it was a duo trip instead of a trio trip. I wish they had told me. Like many introverts, I am good at reading social cues. I did not see this rationale for the vagueness coming at all until my mom told me by bringing up the trip and saying that she hoped I didn't take this the wrong way but that they'd prefer that the trip just be them. I actually thought eh vagueness was probably that the trip wasn't a high priority for them, which is fine. I don't feel like the family scapegoat or abused or anything like that. I feel confused by the decision and hurt by the secrecy.[/quote]

Was that trip, 3 years ago, for your mom's 75th? Did that trip morph into this Dublin trip? Or did something change along the way? Or was Dublin the plan for 3 years and you only now just got cut out? There has to be more going on than you just suddenly being blindsided by this. [/quote]

OP here. It morphed. We really picked this topic back up about a year ago. Looking back, I think that maybe I've just been oblivious over the past year, not understanding totally why they were so vague. Regardless, I think they could have communicated better with me. I'm now mainly just sad and feel not welcome. I don't think the trip is salvageable for me -- I would not want to fly over and hang on to them for a few days. Seems kind of pathetic.[/quote]

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