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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Op they don’t need to sell the house.  How are you helping except to micromanage.    Instead of complaining you should thank your sister and get on a plane and help.  [/quote]

Can't get on a plane and help. I did that for 2 months two years ago - left family, business, all responsibilities here. Now I've injured my back and can't go without making it worse, Had my folks and sister listened five years ago and brought themselves closer to us, we could be helping. They didn't. My sister NOW understands why I had that idea but its too late.

The only way to keep the house is for my husband and I to pay all their bills and expenses. That would significantly hurt us, especially since there will also be expenses for aides, etc. Are you planning to kick in? We really could use your money. [/quote]

If you will not help, stop complaining.  You are not paying for anything nor will you so again stay out of it.  I took care of my mil for years so I have far more empathy for your sister.

Get on a plane and go help.

Let’s be real, even if they were closer you would not help.  [/quote]

We have paid over the years, things like food, my father’s TV service, new appliances, etc. They did have some money but that’s about gone now, so they’re important decisions to make. I was hoping to avoid this for their sake, but here we are. What we can’t do, is pay all the household bills. My parent’s SS barely made ends meet. If my father needs a medicaid nursing home, from what I understand, his social security goes with him, and that’s the lion’s share of the money. My mother’s check is very small. I think that’s all determined state by state, and they determine what she would need to live on.

If they do sell and move nearby, then my Dad would no longer be eligible for Medicaid, but they could hire someone in. If he’s never mobile again, then according to the state, he would need nursing care full time or a full time aide.

So go to help depends on what help means based on what condition he is in. When my aunt became immobile and I was the only one helping her with hospice at home we had to call the paramedics one night and two of them took me aside and told me that there was no way I could do it alone and that the hospice place will not care what happens to me. That turned out to be very true - my aunt could refuse hospital, inpatient hospice, catheterization (she was pretty much paralyzed), etc, and hospice would shrug their shoulders and walk out. Lifting a 130 lb woman who had turned into dead weight is partially why I am in the condition I am in. I’ve learned my lesson. I can help them find the right people to help, help them move if they decide to sell (movers would do the lifting, etc),  help make meals, etc, but it would be for a limited timeframe, because, unfortunately, I have obligations across the country. Had they relocated back to the east coast, they would be reachable by car in a shorter timeframe and going back and forth to meet my own obligations would be workable. Plus there would be a large extended family to help as well on this coast. They know no-one in AZ anymore - people have moved home or died. It’s just the three of them.[/quote]

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