Reply to Husband considers two plates left in the kitchen "lack of respect" toward him

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I’d be calling divorce lawyers and making copies of all of our bank records, taxes, important documents, etc. He sounds like an abusive ass. [/quote]

+1. 100%[/quote]

+2[/quote]

OP here. I'm surprised that so many posters think that I should divorce. It is difficult when our lives are so entangled, and we have a young child. I'd much rather try to make it work [/quote]

This is totally disrespectful, condescending, sexist behavior and he needs to know that. The fact that he is prone to anger and that you thus are scared to talk with him and don’t want to escalate is concerning because it sounds like he intimidates with fear and totally diminishes and demeans your contributions. I am truly aghast he feels so free to criticize you when he does none of the house work.

I would seriously be considering divorce with this dynamic, but also would make an effort to make it work.

First, it may help to set some boundaries with him- he sends you that text message trying to intimidate you and you send back a message that sends fear into his heart. Something along the lines of: “HOW DARE YOU TALK TO ME LIKE THAT— I AM NOT YOUR MAID. THIS IS NOT AN ACCEPTABLE WAY TO TREAT ME. WE NEED To have a serious conversation about how I have been treated in this relationship. I expect you to listen to me, hear me out, and tell me what you will do to change. If you raise your voice, or if I sense you are trying to intimidate me with your anger, I will leave the room. Serious change needs to happen in this relationship for this marriage to continue.” And then make sure you see change and that he regularly attends therapy.

Of course none of this applies if his anger could possibly become violent- in that case fleeing would be needed. 
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