Reply to H claims that I abuse him emotionally, whereas I think it is the other way around

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Reply to "H claims that I abuse him emotionally, whereas I think it is the other way around"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here. Another issue that I have is that him valuing only monetary contribution to a marriage instills the wrong values in our daughter. He completely ignores the fact that I take care of absolutely everything concerning childcare, household, finances, etc. For example I pick up our daughter at 3 pm every day.

I really don't think that I should stay at the office until 7 pm to the detriment of our child, if we don't need it financially, just to prove a point. He is very mad about this attitude and ignores my work as a mother. Of course, he is not even present during the week.

My daughter is too young, but at some point I will explain to her that there is a lot of value in all the other work that a parent does.

The irony is that  H had a stay-at-home mom and a live-in grandma. I, on the other hand, do everything that his mom and grandma did, on top of that what his father would do around the house and with the finances/paperwork, plus I work as a lawyer in my own firm (I have three employees).

We are surrounded by families with stay-at-home moms who are treated with respect and love by their husbands.

I personally do not know any other woman who earns $200k, except for big law partners. And it is still not enough. Sometimes I don't even know what to tell him, I just feel like crying. [/quote]

Your husband seems to despise you and barely acknowledges the existence of his daughter. What's good in this marriage? Is there anything?

Based on what you wrote I would absolutely 100% start spending alone time in the separate apartment on the weekends. My primary advice is detach, detach, detach. You are not doing anything wrong, but you keep trying to interact with his nastiness by being normal. Just stop. He wants to cook with your kid and wants you to leave the kitchen? Go. Maybe even leave the house. He wants to re-heat salmon in tinfoil in the microwave? Let him. Maybe stand by with the fire extinguisher.  He wants to show up at school at 8am? Send the email instructions for dropoff and say, "Ok." None of these are major issues. Just let it go.

My secondary advice is therapy for you. You seem really invested in continuing in this situation and prolonging it. If you are divorced, then guess what? You aren't obligated to communicate with him other than on basic logistics in regard to your daughter. Also, see a lawyer and get some advice on your finances.[/quote]

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