Reply to How do you drop the rope when you have SN kids?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]This is OP - some of these replies have been really thoughtful and thought provoking. The counseling out period was one of the worst of my experiences as a parent- we didn’t have a firm diagnosis yet and it was just shocking and heartbreaking and we didn’t have a good alternative at the time. I was desperate to buy some time to figure out what to do and my kid’s self esteem was in the gutter. We’ve changed so many things since then and now DC is at a school that is a better fit and we aren’t in crisis at the moment. [b]But it is hard to shake off the panic and the feeling that I would do almost anything to not end up in that position again.[/b] My husband was a lot more sympathetic during that crisis time to be fair to him- it was really obvious how much that child was struggling and we were actually very aligned on surviving and getting our kid help. [b]Now it feels like he wants to pretend everything’s fine and I’m still terrified. So yes everyone who said I sound anxious is completely right. [/b]I’ve tried not to let my anxiety hold my kid back and have really tried to be ok putting them in situations where there’s more of a stretch than I would like for my own anxiety. The food and the clothes seem like so little though, I honestly didn’t think it was problematic even if it’s not 100 percent necessary at this moment. Maybe I need to try a bit harder to reassess some things. [b]I do talk to a therapist and it’s not a great fit but it’s helpful.[/b] My NT kid has some medical things going on and I feel myself slipping into the feelings of panic again and I’m sure that’s playing into my feelings that [b]I just can’t handle anything more going wrong and I’d rather do some extra work if it prevents a call from the school.
[/b]
Anyway sincere thanks to all of you who offered your opinion, even if it was negative. I am going to try to think some of this through and have a conversation with my husband when we are not already upset sometime.[/quote]

The bolded really jump out at me. I struggle with anxiety too and have been on meds for years which has helped significantly. I would also reommend looking for a new therapist for you - fit is really key there. Ask your current therapist for recommendations - be honest with them that you need a different approach/fit and they should be happy to help you find that.

The panic over things potentially going wrong is very understandable to me, because my child was in a slow moving crisis for a long time, and we couldn't get a diagnosis or even a provider to believe that something was amiss other than bad parenting. It's so hard, and especially if you're worried school is going to counsel you out without an alternative.

I would also suggest couples counseling, it could provide you with a space to discuss these things with your husband in a more productive way so that you get back to a place where you are on the same page. [/quote]

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