Reply to stubborn senior declaring she would rather die falling at home than go into a nursing home

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[quote=Anonymous]Basically what happens is:
1) things decline slowly and you periodically find out how much worse it is and scramble to try to shore things up at the expense of your job and family
2) there’s a fall or a surgery or other health crisis
3) there’s a brief stay in a rehab hospital
4) return to 1 or the rehab hospital authorities help you force the person into long term nursing care or hospice

You can stay in 1-3 for a really long time. So if this is your mother’s wishes, you have to accept that you will have to set boundaries in order to not get dragged under water. She can make this decision, but she can’t force you to exceed your capacity to help with the consequences. That part is UP TO YOU.

And look, for many of us we choose to make Herculean efforts and let other things hang by a thread because we love our parents and we want to help. But that is your choice and you have to own it as early as you can. If you fall into the trap of feeling like your mother controls you, it will be harder. [/quote]

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