Reply to Charging a parent for care when one sibling does nothing

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I get it OP and I have real moments of anger as well. I have one sibling who lived 2 hours away from my mom in california, but it was clear he was not going to do much. Let me also say that he has no spouse (divorced), kids, or pets, and has had the same job for 20 plus years. He doesn't have a lot of demands and has no travel and can work from home 3 days week. I have 2 kids at home (middle schools both), new and demanding job with travel, spouse who travels 1x/week.

I moved my mother to assisted living on the east coast. I naively thought that the place that supposedly offers rides to doctors appts and shopping and activities would mean i could just have a nice dinner 1-2x/week and the rest would be taken care of. Nope. My mom can't deal with doctors on her own (cognitive decline) and every week its something (plus she's a complete hypochondriac); she wont go shopping with the group; I have to physically go to the facility to make sure that they are actually up to date on her meds because the nurses never call back (and its 1375/month for medicatio management!); plus all the technology needs (can't remember how to use her compter, the tv, etc). She needs a pacemaker soon and I am the one to deal with the hospital again (she was hospitalized a while ago). I would say that since the start of the year she has seen her primary 3x; cardiologist; opthamologist 2x; dermatologist 1x, rheumatologst 2x, and gastroenterologist 2x, plus 2 urgent care, and 1 ER visit tht turned until a 5 day stay. Each one of these appointments not only takes time but also so much calling around and follow up. I was on hold once for 34 minutes to make the gastro appointment .  Oh, I also do all her finances--including dealing with taxes, mortgage,  and managing her home from afar.

I also handled the entire move. flew out, packed up the house, organized things to be shipped to assisted living and furnished her place. Brother's only responsibility was to mail 6 boxes that I didn't send by fed ex. He managed to not keep the usps receipt and they never arrived.

Also, he insisted that we should rent out my mom's house but it needed renovations. I hired the contractor and oversaw the renovations from afar when it became clear that my brother would take 4 days to answer a text or phone call. The property manager I hired only contacts me now since brother is so unresponsive. And we are having issues renting it out and Im pissed at him.

I would like to be compensated for my time i suppose, but I'm worried about my mom's funds. she's already at 8k/month and she will probably need memory care in a few years. I'm mostly angry that the entire burden is on me and that one sibling calls about 2x/month. I made him come out here so my family could go on vacation and she sung his praises to me--that he visited her every day! (for 6 days, yes, he visited her, he also forgot to take her to one of her appointments). [/quote]

Your mom needs a nursing home/memory care, not assisted living.  It sounds like a lot of folks here insist on assisted living but that's not what is needed.

Sell the house.  That's absurd to rent it out if he will not manage it.  She's never moving back and you don't want the house so its time to let it go.[/quote]

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