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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I don't know if OP is trolling or not, but I do actually feel this way. We make less money, though -- 150k (DH 100k, me 50k). I used to make more but the reality of trying to parent kids while you both work was overwhelming. We already had no margin for error because even with an income around 200k, childcare was tight. And then Covid hit. So now I work part time and we pay less for childcare, but have a little more flexibility in our schedule. But yes, money is very tight. We've pretty much given up on the idea that we'll ever own a SFH (we live in a condo now) or feel comfortable financially.

I have a graduate degree and DH is in a STEM field with an Ivy League degree. I grew up UMC and he grew up working class, and while we've far surpassed his economic status as a kid, it's definitely been a step down for me. We've both struggle with our mental health and while there is a version of us that makes WAY more money without working that much harder, I think we just lack the confidence and social skills to make it happen? I feel overwhelmed a lot. I don't know, but I do feel downwardly mobile and can relate to the anxiety OP is galling about.[/quote]

Op here. This is how I feel too. On one hand there is shame in not being able to replicate my parents success even though I was given all the opportunities and resources. Then there’s the depressing realization that we will ever be able to buy a SFH in a good neighborhood around here and I’ll never have the quality of life I grew up with or give my kids the same experiences. [/quote]

A lot of people grow up and don’t become wealthy like their parents.  My in-laws Ivy League, very wealthy.  Not us though and it doesn’t bother us in the least. We are lucky that they are the most generous and kindness people in the world. He retired early and bought us a house, gifting every year, paid for all activities and tuitions for our kids, not just monetarily, they are also there for their children.  They are proud of their children, none went to Ivy League or reached their level of financial success.

If your parents are wealthy hopefully they can help with the kids.  Just don’t try and be something you’re not.  Don’t overreach and buy in a neighborhood you can’t afford.  If you stop feeling sorry for yourself your kids will have their own childhood, not a replica of yours. [/quote]

If your ILs bought you a home, you are wealthy.  They'll probably also help with kid's education, right? So all you and your husband need to do is make enough money to cover living expense (minus mortgage) and save for retirement. That would be so easy.

Not all UMC or wealthy parents are generous like that, either. You are lucky, but you need to understand how unusual your situation is. You're in a really ideal situation.[/quote]

x10000

Seems the norm around here that grandparents pay for their kids' houses and education, and their grandchildrens' houses and education.  Holy crap - you people who have that are completely out of touch and only expect more - if you were my kids, I would donate every penny to a charity that actually needs it.

My kids grandparents only play favorites.  It is sickening. I can't fathom having such generous people in our lives. Just wow.

[/quote]

It isn't the norm. I've known 2 people who had help paying for  a home.  The vast majority of the people I know, scrimped and saved and didn't blow money stupidly because they knew homeownership was expensive and important. They did without to buy a townhome. [/quote]

Are you sure? I used to think "everyone" saved for a down payment like we did, and that people who bought bigger, nicer, more expensive homes just saved harder.

I later found out that many of them had huge sums of money from parents to buy those homes. In the last few years I've learned that half or more of our peer group friends had major cash infusions in the form of cash gifts or inheritances that enabled them to buy their first homes. Not everyone, but at least half. I'd say it's a major factor in how some people were able to by SFHs (including close in row houses) that appreciated aggressively, versus suburban townhomes or condos that didn't appreciate as well. It also enabled people to structure loans in a more favorable way. I know one couple who saved their own downpayment but received a 10k gift from their parents every year after that to put towards the principle on their loan, so 8 years later they wound up in a much more favorable position in terms of equity and were able to upgrade to a much bigger home with really favorable loan terms. Which would not have been possible without the 70k in free cash from their parents.

None of this may be "typical" but it's not uncommon among the children of UMC families in this area. People don't always advertise this stuff and I've known people who actively concealed it (i.e. complained endlessly about the challenges of affording a home and how hard they were saving, when in reality their down payment came mostly from an inheritance). For some reason a lot of people like to kind of cosplay as middle class or make it appear to others that they are making it on their own when in reality they get enormous amounts of help from family. I've seen it many times in this area.[/quote]

Not everyone came from umc families like you all like to assume. I know people don't advertise this but this is just a load of patooie.[/quote]

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