Reply to "Lost in the Storm": Slate article about local child with suicidal depression

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Reply to ""Lost in the Storm": Slate article about local child with suicidal depression"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I read the story. I've had some experience with my kid at an inpatient facility, and also lots of therapy and medication over the years.

I realize one of the challenges of an article like this is trying to condense a very long, complicated story into a single written piece. I also appreciate the need to leave out some details due to privacy issues.
That said... there was one part of the story that stuck out for me, and when I discussed the article with my DH, he related that he had the same reaction when he read it.

There is a point in the process where the care team is recommending an outpatient program. (This is after the second, more successful inpatient program.) The author says it sounds great, but then when the time of the program is changed to 4:30-7:30, the author makes a flat statement that is is "impossible with two other kids at home." The recommendation for this program even comes up again in the article, and author states they instead went with a virtual option. One they were doubtful would be helpful, and sure enough wasn't.

I fully appreciate that for a person with this severe level of mental health needs there will never be "one thing" can magically fixes everything. I also understand (as I said above) that I don't have all of the details.
However, while my reaction throughout reading this article had been nothing but sympathy, this part brought me up short. I just couldn't understand why this particular treatment was deemed impossible. At this point, the kid hasn't been in school, the author is taking family leave and ultimately quitting her job. There is already tremendous upheaval in their family life. I can only imagine the amount of upheaval that the siblings of this child are already experiencing. Needing to get a sitter, or arrange transport, or... something? That feels do-able based on all of the other things this family has done, and the crisis level of the suffering child. It left me scratching my head. Did anyone else have the same reaction? Am I missing something obvious?[/quote]

I had exactly the same reaction. I also disagree with some of the responses you've received in this thread. 3:30-8:30 is actually a relatively easy time to find care for school-aged children. If one of my kids' friends' families had this happening in their life, I would take a sibling that was a similar/compatible age to one of my children in a heartbeat. But also, this program is only 2 months, right? Isn't the worst case scenario that she takes the two siblings with her? Picks them up afterschool and brings them back for bedtime? They can sit in a car for 5 hours for 2 months to save their sister's life, no? And that's absolute worst case, I'm sure there is something else you can do with them for some of that time... Some care you can get for them on some days. She also mentions a grandpa and a boyfriend, in addition to the dad. I totally get that not everyone has a village, and maybe they are cutting a lot of the explanation out, but the decision not to take that outpatient program seemed genuinely baffling to me.[/quote]

Last year one of our kids had three hospitalizations. During each of those (lasted about a week) the whole family’s life is thrown upside down - if the facility allows visits, you try to visit (few people do), you are taking to doctors, you are super stressed about your child.

We have other children at home and we are trying to keep things stable/routine for them, and also not get fired from our jobs. Everyone is sympathetic at first, and then they just get tired of you being unreliable.

PHP or IOP programs can run for weeks - usually at least 2. You take any spot you can get so they can be far away. And then when they are home they aren’t fully stable so they needs lots of care.

I totally get why this family couldn’t make the program work. It’s so hard to balance the care for one child with the needs of your other kids. You do the best you can to care for all your kids.

It took nine months for my child to stabilize. You hit a point after a few months where you realize you can’t let every decision be dominated by what is going on with your one child - it’s not healthy for anyone and (at least for me) it was physically and emotionally unsustainable. [/quote]

Yes, this is my feeling too. I also think that focusing on this one small piece of the story where the mom might be at fault is exactly part of the problem in sweeping the far worse systemic issues she was writing about under the table.

No parent is perfect, but this was so clearly *not* a bad parent, even if this one decision maybe wasn't right (not sure I think that, though).  How about instead of blaming her, we work on getting more PHP options available so families don't have to make impossible choices over scheduling and transportation?  And work on better emergency/crisis care so families don't have to feel like their only option is leaving their kids in literal prison?

My family is not in her shoes yet, but I'm terrified things like this could be in our future and doing my best to keep us out of them.  I wish we had more options, and even just more understanding from the supposed professionals we have to interact with.[/quote]

I agree with you 100%.  The headline here is not "mom didn't choose IOP".  [b]The big issue (which we all know about) is the shameful lack of access to affordable, effective mental healthcare for our kids[/b].  The doors sometimes open wide if you can private pay, but even then, it can be tough to find someone willing to take on your child. It is a complete failure of our medical system and is just going to get worse as more and more kids are struggling now.

I am happy she shared her story because perhaps people who haven't experienced this will get how big a problem it is.  Maybe eventually something will give.[/quote]

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