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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=FBO][quote=Anonymous][quote=FBO][quote=Anonymous]Sexual incompatibility.[/quote]

Oh, that [i]really[/i] sucks...  Sorry.  :([/quote]

I think this is really common for a couple of reasons.  Often young women don't think sex is that important and then once they hit their mid-30's/40's they realize that it really IS important.  Also, they don't mind putting out in the beginning, but just can't sustain it with someone they married that they weren't compatible with.[/quote]

Sure, I can understand that and the age difference makes sense.  I was taught back in the day that men expect women to be interested in sex instead of interesting women in sex.  It also ges back to the actual moment.  When you are with someone, too many people focus on the moment instead of the bigger picture.  Think 'missing the forest for the trees'.  Instead, a part of sex should be about enticing that other person to come BACK for more and more.  As a man, we tend to extract the most we can out of that one moment.  But if you want sustainability, you have to be good in the moment while also planting the seeds for why they need what you give over and over and over.

I mentioned this elsewhere but being with a woman is as much a mental game as a physical game, if not more.[/quote]

So true. I had no idea when I meant my husband in early 20s how difficult sex was going to turn out to be. It was easy in the beginning but it is NOT just about the phyical after the first year or two or three. It has to evolve after that, and that takes intimacy outside the bedroom.  Prioritizing each other, not taking each other for granted, making each other feel desired, sharing things with each other. So easy for that to fade and then resentments start building up. It's why sexless marriages are surprisingly common. It's not all about libido in a long term relationship.[/quote]

I'm the OP with the sexual incompatibility--and it is atypical in that I want it way more than he does and he never, ever initiates. I will own that I married him knowing that he had a somewhat arrested development range of sexual experience--as he married extremely early in his first marriage--he was 21--his wife died, I married him 3 years later when he was 40 and I was 30. He has a kind of puerile sexuality that I thought he would grow out of (you have to be dressed like a playboy centerfold for him to really want it, etc) it's just very, very limited what he finds appealing and I'm still in great shape but I'm just not going to put on stilettos every time after 15 years, you know? So I resent the hell out of that and I guess it just has gone downhill from there. When we do it is GREAT, but yeah, once every 2 months is definitely not working for me.[/quote]

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