Reply to Parental time and activities as kids age

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Instead of sitting in traffic for an hour, why not attend a sports practice for one kid while hanging out, talking with the other kid?

They would have less traffic and kids would get to have activities. If all they do is drive an hour and sleep on Tuesday night, why doesn’t he just take the kids to activities and dinner Tuesday night and let them sleep in their own beds?

He could also get them Friday after activities and keep them until Monday morning - replacing your Wednesday am routine. [/quote]

OP here. I agree this would be logical. He doesn’t want to give up time with either kid. He also wants activity free time. It’s frustrating. I offered the Sunday evening in place of Tuesday night or friday activities. So he could wait until practice is over Friday and also keep them until Monday morning. His issue with Friday is he doesn’t want to sit in more traffic and apparently 30 minutes makes a difference. [/quote]

Sounds like he thinks the kids are 5 yo and he will be the fun Disney Dad and the kids are there to stroke his ego.

Why doesn’t he want them to do some sport or arts well and take strong lessons? Weird. [/quote]

No, it sounds like he wants to spend the little time he has with the kids and not sitting in the car at practice and not spending time with them.[/quote]

It's called parenting time for a reason.  Because the job during the time is to be a parent, which includes the fun parts, and the less fun parts like sitting in the car, and helping with homework, and putting their needs first.

The kids needs should be at the center of the decision making.  Not the parent's desire for a playmate.   [/quote]

OP again - I WISH this were the case. But it seems they spend quite a bit of time on their iPads. They have to request to download games so I get the alerts. It's definitely not about the quality time. It's about the control.[/quote]

What he do his time is his choice.  You are right it is about control and you are trying to control him.  You can find a different program or drive the kids after swim.  Just be honest as you don’t want the visits and say so.  Go to court and have the kids say dad is terrible, abusive, neglectful and they hate it there.  simple, done.  [/quote]

Wow, you are projecting. OP here - no where did I say I wanted exDH to give up visits. I just want him to be reasonable and put his children first once in a while. For a whole 30 minutes every other week. [/quote]

You are starting very much on that track of saying activities take priority.  He is being reasonable as you aren't fully clear as to why he cannot stay.  BUT, the simple solution is that you drive the kids to his house if you are changing the schedule.  OR, you find another program.  You expect him to change his schedule upon demand without any consideration to his schedule or what else might be going on with him.  He's not a parent or parenting.  This is a visit.  He has very limited visits.  You are the one who needs to work around the visits.[/quote]

If he's not a parent then he has no say in the kids' activities.  If it's a playdate with someone who isn't a parent, then the actual parent should be choosing the activities.

[/quote]

He isn't having a say in the activities.  HOWEVER, it is his court-ordered visitation time and he has a say in what happens during that time.  She's not asking him if the child can do the activity.  She's telling him the child is doing the activity and telling him it conflicts with his visit.  There may be a reason why DAD cannot stay later to get the child, such as other kids at home/day care that need picked up.  Or, other logistical reasons.  The simple solution is to pick another day for swim OR Mom drive the kids to Dad's house after swim if he agrees.  [/quote]

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