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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]To me it sounds as if the SIL has Asperger’s that was never diagnosed or tempered by behavioral modifications, and since her parents know that she’s different and is not entirely independent, but have never sought help for her and her habits are ingrained now… they just go along with her demands to avoid the inevitable tantrums. And boy can people with Asperger’s have horrible grown-up tantrums. I have Aspie relatives. Sometimes we have to give in otherwise they are so stubborn they just put themselves in danger or hold everyone hostage in some way.

So to me the parents are guilty of not letting this adult finally fend for herself. It sounds like the parents would rather not come, than come without their daughter. So perhaps only meet them at hotels, where the SIL cannot demand you give up your hotel room for her. If your husband invites his parents to the house, it’s really hard to specifically uninvite her, or spell out how she can use the home. It would lead to a fight, which I’ve had to do many times… but this doesn’t sound like something your husband or his parents seem prepared to do. They’re conflict-averse, which hasn’t been great to teach SIL how to navigate life.

Now you can be the bad guy and say no to your SIL and MIL. You can try pitching a huge fit, make a scene, and say you’ve had enough of having the house turned upside down for a guest you never even invited. Such a calculated act might just work, if you’re willing to play that part. But it takes a lot out of you if you’re not that sort of person to begin with…

Good luck.

BTDT. 
[/quote]

OP here - you are spot on in so many ways.  Our youngest is ASD and it has been enlightening to change the perspective.  So much to unwrap, but I admittedly am just in a mood this week as it is affecting so much. My MIL even complained there were no pictures of my SIL in the program to which my DH responded that he actually cannot think of a single picture of him in uniform with his sister. My DH and I, in other moments, have conversations with MIL about his sister.  I also know that as MIL ages she gets more worried about her daughter and the life that is not there for her; thus the insistence of participating in our life.  I get all of that, and that is why I am just hiding my sutter home and Hershey.

As for those looking for Jodie Sweetin painting, https://www.instagram.com/p/Cc_tSWzp3WR/. [/quote]
Wow you really are a horrible person. You and your husband. You understand what it’s like to have a child on the spectrum and anyone with a brain understands it can be hereditary. Yet you have no empathy toward this woman. You instead belittle her for her martial status. [/quote]

[b]Op is not a horrible person and she is not being mean to her SIL.  [/b]She is frustrated because the MIL is insisting that SIL be invited to stay in a home that is already jam packed with a family of 7.  SIL very understandably needs a quiet, private space so that she can telework.  A hotel would truly be the best option but MIL is simply not hearing of it.  The one being difficult is MIL.  She might intend to make her children closer but she is accomplishing the exact opposite with her inequitable and disrespectful treatment of her son and her DIL.

Truth be told, SIL would probably love to have a quiet hotel room all to herself and she would probably be fine sharing a suite with a kitchen with her parents.  But it's MIL's way or the highway by the sounds of it.[/quote]
Yes, she is. The way in which she speaks about her SIL makes her a horrible person.

That has nothing to do with not wanting an extra houseguest. She shouldn’t host a guest she does not want to. But instead of both the husband and OP saying no, they just want to trash the SIL. [/quote]

[b]MIL is the one who invited SIL.  Doesn't that make MIL the host of SIL? [/b] And, if that is the case, why in the heck is MIL hosting SIL in OP's home?  [/quote]
What type of idiotic logic is this? Is everyone staying at MIL’s house or OP’s? Oh right, they are staying at OP’s house. So if she doesn’t want to host her SIL then she says no, we are not hosting SIL.

But that’s not what is happening is it? OP and her DH did not say an unequivocal no. Instead OP just wants to complain online and pretend she had no choice.[/quote]

Op did not invite SIL to stay in her home, thus, SIL needs to finds hotel accommodations or tell MIL that she ain't going.  [b]Stop putting this on the Op she did not do this[/b].[/quote]
Both OP and her DH are allowing SIL to stay. Are you really so dense to think that any person can just show up at your house any time they want and stay with you? Of course they can’t. You say no. But neither OP nor her DH have said SIL is not invited. Even when MIL was rearranging their house today they sat back and did nothing. When did either call SIL and say - you’re not invited?

This is on OP and her DH. And your reading comprehension if you can’t follow that no one has disinvited SIL from the invitation MIL gave. [/quote]

Keeping smooth waters should not be confused with an active invite.  SIL was not invited.  Op's MIL invited SIL, putting [b]Op in the predicament of either hosting SIL [/b]or being the bad guy.  That is not something a loving mother EVER does.[/quote]At least you now admit OP is the host.[/quote]

Op is only the "host" of this sheetshow because [b]she has a disrespectful MIL who has invited a guest w/o Op's permission.  [/b]MIL is way out of line.[/quote]OP and her DH are perfectly capable of disinviting SIL.[/quote]

How do you disinvite someone that you never invited in the first place?  Nope.  MIL created this sheetshow and she is the one who can figure it out.  [/quote]
Again - you just let anyone show up at your house? Please post your address, I want to stay for the weekend. [/quote]

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