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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]The last time we visited one of them for their child’s first birthday, they gave us chores to do at their house. Pressure wash the outside, put together things. When they came home, they complained about the work

My parents used to ask how they could help and might suggest themselves that the outside of the house looks a little dirty with a little impatience as if implying some small condemnation. I might have remarked that we are short on cash to clean the outside but was planning on hiring someone before the winter but say that would be great if they are up for it. They agree to wash all four sides. Then they might do two sides and then I ask them why they decided not to do the other two sides and then they give me some reason like they couldn't get to it or it didn't need it and that comes out to them as complaining. I let it go and say well I'm not sure I'm going to get to the other sides till the fall and they remark that it would be better if done in the spring. Then they remark I'm ungrateful because it wasn't this perfectly happy experience where they receive complete validation for being an amazing grandparent. The stay will be pleasant otherwise but they will harbor some resentment that they weren't seen as amazing at all times.

Is this the dynamic that goes on with your kids? I often feel set up to provide an "experience" for my parents to have a loving time with the family as if they are going to Disney. They are seeking validation more than the desire to help.[/quote]

Uh yea if your parents pressure wash two sides of your house the correct response is “thank you” not “when are you doing the rest.” JFC.[/quote]

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