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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][b]The blowing up part is all that matters[/b].  You need to think more highly of yourself than to accept that.  It's totally unacceptable.  You might want to consider therapy to find out why you put up with that.  Now it's due to his opinion that you aren't cleaning enough, what will he be blowing up about next?[/quote]

New poster. OP, the part in bold above is ALL that matters. Read it again. Nothing else matters. Please don't let the many posts about people's OWN ideas of what is messy or not, or how they would have you learn to clean up to their standards blah blah blah, affect your thinking here. This is not about the specific details of what is in the sink or whether there's a drop of makeup left on a countertop. I actually wish you hadn't posted those details because in classic DCUM style, those details (and self-righteous PPs scolding you about them) took over the thread.

As the smart PP above says: Think more highly of yourself. Grown-ups sometimes are messy. So freaking what. Grown-ups express their wants and needs with words, and also give the people they love a lot of slack and grace if they have differing ideas about day to day minor details. They act like partners and a team. Your BF is immature and lacks any grace toward you. As another PP noted, if you stay together and end up with a kid, your marriage will suck and nothing will ever be clean enough, neat enough for this guy.

Even if you're thinking, "Oh, that's not an issue, I don't want kids," do YOU want to live with blowups? Because if it's not about messiness (as he perceives "messiness") -- it's going to be about something else eventually. Please listen to those here who are telling you, from experience, that this is your red flag. He is rigid. He will proclaim, "I love you! I just need you to be clean!" But the second half of that is key. He really means: "I love you until you're not clean enough for me, and then my love is conditional." And anger follows. If you want to live always worried you've missed one drop of foundation spilled on a counter, or one hair left in a shower drain, stay with him. If you want to live without blowups, dump him. [/quote]

Dump him.   I’m married to someone like this, and it’s awful. Because nothing is ever good enough and it will always be my fault, even though I do more than he does as it relates to 90% of what he’s blowing up about.

Be glad he showed you who he is now.   [/quote]

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