Reply to Boyfriend blows up every time the house is messy

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here. I should mention that I’ve repeatedly told him that the blow ups are not acceptable, and he’s made some efforts over the past month to become calmer, including meditation daily, using an anxiety workbook, and working with a therapist. He keeps telling me that change takes some time, and doesn’t want me to give up on him. I hope he can change and I’ve worked on being cleaner, but I’m thinking this could be a larger issue.

For now, the blow ups have only related to cleaning, but it could be something else down the line. [/quote]

How did he react to his own most recent blowup? Was he able to halt himself mid-blowup and say, "Wait, I'm overreacting here and I'm going to go for a walk and cool off" and then he came back and apologized and started washing the dishes himself etc.? THAT would give me some hope if I were in your shoes. But he didn't do any of that, did he? If he were absorbing any of what he's doing to supposedly improve himself, he would be able to back off when he feels himself getting angry. He needs therapy for that anxiety, not just a workbook. And it sounds as if he's putting the burden on YOU to hang on, endure his mental mess and blowups, just wait and wait and he'll really change. But too much is at stake, OP. Don't get pregnant, whatever you do.

When you say you think this could be a larger issue, have you sat down and thought hard about other signs you see of rigidity and placing other things (clean house, job, friends, his family, politics, anything) ahead of you and the relationship? [/quote]

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