Reply to How to handle: Terminally ill neighbor, helping with kid who is crossing several lines

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Some of these posts are really unhinged - accusing the OP's husband of past wrongdoing, calling the school counselor, going scorched earth. It's a mean text, not attempted murder.

Anyway, with all respect to those that have faced this terrible situation, I think the texter's mom should know and OP should get someone to cover her carpool shifts (I would not leave the other mom in the lurch) and that it's not a great idea for Larla to come over unless she wants to talk about what happened and apologize.

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OP is definitely not responsible for finding someone to cover the carpool shifts. I don’t know how OP can avoid telling her neighbor what happened since she has to stop carpooling, but if you call my kid “fat” and a “slut” I’m not coming up with a solution for getting the kid that called her those things to practice. [/quote]

Yes, we know: You want the Facebook back-pat kudos for dropping off a casserole, you didn’t actual want to be exposed to grief-grief — the real life kind, which is ugly and messy and hard.

OP isn’t responsible for finding carpool cover - but it would be an act of grace and compassion to the family, an acknowledgment that there are bigger factors in play than just a kid being rude.

Here’s how she could talk to neighbor:

Carpool mom: Larla and OtherLarla hit a really rough patch in their relationship. I’m going to need to keep them apart for a bit. XXX is going to take carpool (or I will ask around who else could take).

Neighbor: What was the rough patch?

Carpool mom: Called her fat and slut. I know OtherLarla is understandably in a tough place, and I’m sure they’ll figure it out.

See?

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Ummm no. I’m my child’s parent first and foremost and I would never reduce that kid’s behavior to a passing oh I know they’ll get through it. Did you even read what OP described? [/quote]

That’s how you describe it to the mom with the dying spouse - like it’s not the biggest deal in the world, because that’s both accurate and because it will prevent you looking so Main Character Syndrome to someone dealing with an actual crisis.

With your daughter, you can talk about it way more in-depth and with seriousness, and touch on social media, grief, “hurt people hurt people,” bullying, all of it - the full holier than thou accountability TEDxDCUM talk you apparently have been waiting for a conveniently dying neighbor in order to finally unleash. [/quote]
I would have no interest in unleashing a TED talk. I just would want her to see what her DD is doing, not a watered down description of it, and understand exactly why I cannot carpool and have her kid at my home anymore. She can decide to do as she sees fit with that information. [/quote]

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