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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]MAN, people are being harsh. I am really sorry, OP. I am a lawyer in a much lower-paying job because I knew I couldn't handle the big law lifestyle as a mom, but I have a ton of good friends in this situation and have a lot of empathy for it.

You can definitely find some additional household help! Ask friends who have nannies, cleaning ladies, etc. A friend of mine pays her friends' morning nanny to drive her kids around in the afternoon, and together, that is a full-time job for that woman. Is there a trustworthy teen in your neighborhood who could watch your kids for a few hours while you get 1:1 time with another one of the kids or go do something for yourself? You could look for a housekeeper on care.com, local mom groups, etc. I am constantly seeing "my nanny needs more hours!" kind of posts in my neighborhood.

It sounds like you don't want to scale back at work, and I totally get that. To get some immediate relief, take a look at your calendar and plan a few random days off and DO NOT FILL THEM WITH KID STUFF. Do whatever makes you feel human and relaxed. Ask a friend or neighbor to grab your kids after school for a couple of hours. I guarantee you there are people in your network who see you doing everything and want to help. I would love to do this for a friend.

Hang in there, OP! [/quote]

I am being harsh on OP specifically because I do know people in this situation and OP is being ridiculous. She didn't ask for ideas for how to find a nanny or how to get help from her "network" -- she's complaining that she resents her husband, who is working long hours at a stressful job to support a OP and their three children. He makes 5x what OP makes.

And when people have said "yes, you need to outsource, hire someone" OP keeps making excuses. Her house is too small for an au pair (of course it is, they have 3 kids), she doesn't think they can afford a housekeeper because of their loans, etc.

People are being harsh because OP is complaining about a solvable problem that she absolutely has the means to resolve. If she was saying "My DH won't let us hire a nanny" or "I really didn't want to have a third kid but DH insisted and now I'm overwhelmed," that would be different. But she literally just resents that her DH's job, which brings in a half million dollars a year and makes their entire life possible, takes too much time and is too stressful. I have the same amount of empathy for OP as I have for all working parents, but I don't have extra sympathy for her situation because her DH is a Big Law partner and works long hours. I know lots of women in the same situation and they all find a way to make it work. I also know plenty of people who are making it work on a fraction of the income, but still with demanding or stressful jobs. OP needs to stop complaining and actually do the things already within her control to make her life better.[/quote]

Quoted PP here. I understand where you’re coming from to a point (I, in fact, make it work on a fraction of the income) but I still don’t think the nastiness directed at OP is warranted. People forget so easily that there is a human being on the side of the post. Putting household help into place takes work that can feel impossible when you are already burnt out. There is a gentler way to give feedback. [/quote]

I also think that hiring help is hard? We have tried multiple laundry services and they have all been disappointing in various ways (had a great one where we used to live so I know it is possible!) and had a housekeeper (who came recommended) ruin precious baby photos. I struggle to trust child care out of organized settings because so many people have told me their nanny horror stories and I have seen some shitty nanny behavior with my own eyes (like a little girl who tried to leave a play space with my daughter and I because her nanny wasn’t even there, she was sitting on her phone 20 feet away from the entrance ignoring her and if I hadn’t walked her back, she definitely was out of there). It’s definitely all easier now my kids are a little older but when I had toddlers it was hard especially. If her husband was doing the work to find and vet all this help that would be one thing but it’s not like you can just wave a wand and throw money in the air and get boat loads of good help. And then you have someone great and they move or whatever. It’s not the same as having a partner. [/quote]

This is all true and is frequently glossed over by DCUM. If outsourcing worked as well as DCUMers seem to believe, my life would be a dream. [/quote]

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