Reply to Feeling Trapped In Parenthood/Relationship

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here

I appreciate all for your organized thoughts and advices. I am grateful for them and gave me points to reflect on about the situation and our relationship long term.

My mom isn't gravely ill yet but her body no longer listens to treatment, so I feel a loss of control and a sense of urgency. My mom enjoys seeing her grandchild and I wanted to share that joy with her during her remaining years or months. As someone mentioned, I do feel a sense of duty and I was selfishly hoping to take the kid with me on the trip for an extended period of time. That may have been the source of my frustration, which someone already mentioned. DW's unwillingness to part with DC may be a bit of separation anxiety which may be driven by maternal instincts and mother-son bond being disrupted.  Is [b]2 weeks away from mom that critical to child development in the long term?[/b] Part of my frustration is that I would do the same for her should this situation inevitably arise for her in her lifetime. I envisioned spouses covering for each other in a marriage.

Since some have questioned, the trapped feeling comes from inability to urgently leave and see my mom and being tied here as a head of household/husband/father. I am also a son and is a role I want to embrace before I lose it. Many times, I feel that dads/husbands have to suppress our feelings to be dependable. She and I had conversations before about getting a more 'wholesome' childcare/help but went nowhere. She doesn't like au pairs living in house and full time nanny/help would be costly for just one kid. This made me feel trapped. As some of you suggested, it seems split shift care providers exist, although rare and maybe throwing money at it is the only solution. I do acknowledge that my wife is in a demanding profession and could have been more accommodating. I am going to re-attempt to find help, as most recommended here and hope for a successful solution. [/quote]

This is unique to the mother and child in question. Your wife is in a demanding field so she probably relies on high-quality-small-quantity interaction with her child— yeah losing two weeks of that is a big deal. Whether someone else wouldn’t think so is irrelevant.

Your family obviously relies on your wife’s income. Therefore you aren’t “covering” for her when she works weekends— you are doing the household tasks needed to ensure you maintain your lifestyle. The attitude that she somehow owes you for that, and that you are “the head of the household” in which her earnings maintain the household, is incredibly toxic and misogynistic.

Yes, at this age, you throw money at problems to get good solutions. White House Nannies is excellent and will definitely do a two-week placement. [/quote]

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