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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Why are mothers so hard on eachother?  Ugh.  Her company had a good maternity leave program.  They do that to recruit and retain people, NOT out of the kindness of their hearts.  Op has given them 15 years of her life!! Maybe she took that job over a higher paying one because of the benefits she knew she might need.  Or maybe she stayed for that reason.  The benefits package is part of her compensation.  For all we know the company might prefer to keep her via unpaid leave vs have her quit entirely based on her long tenure there and lose her institutional knowledge.  To say that it is wrong to even ask is demeaning and frankly part of the reason why women typically don’t get equal pay and benefits in this country.

It’s also hypocritical.  If someone goes on vacation leave that they have earned, and then they decide to quit we don’t say ‘oh how dare you abuse the vacation system now we might all lose our vacations.’  In fact, at the fed, many people use their saved vacation to quit early or get paid out for it.  I’ve had male coworkers take 6 months unpaid leave to travel the world and no one accused them of cheating.  They got pats on the back, and told great job negotiating that!

This company could close tomorrow or layoff 1/3 of its people as is happening to many people right now and no one would be accusing them of cheating the system,  Your mental health and well being is more important than your job I guarantee.

I just had a friend struggling with insomnia and ppd who had to quit because her (female)boss was making it hard for her to access fmla and verbally threatening retribution (sudden letter of notice after previous glowing performance reviews) when told she might need fmla .  I was so mad for her and wanted her to fight it  but in the end she needed to just quit to get her health in order.  Its so disturbing to see women do this to other women, it’s an internalized misogyny that is so corrosive.  Men who go out on std but aren’t well enough to come back are not accused of cheating the system.  This is a burden placed solely on being a woman.  [/quote]

When did the OP say she worked at the company for 15 years. I think this is the OP making up lies. If she's been at the company for 15 years she's likely taken maternity leave at the company before, since she also claims this is not her first child. How did your first maternity leave at the company go, OP? Did you take extra time then? Honestly, OP sounds more and more like a troll or like someone who is upset that people are telling her that she's being a jerk and needs to get her act together. Sorry, OP, this "unhelpful" advice is what everyone at your company will be thinking. [/quote]

[quote=Anonymous]OP here. I didn’t mention that my options are to ask for a leave of absence or to quit entirely. But sounds like quitting entirely is what the status quo demands unfortunately.

To those who asked, I am pretty senior and my employer has not hired a temp. I have been there for 15+ years.[/quote]

On the first page.  But sure it’s better to call other mothers liars and cheaters and jerks for taking care of their babies.  Of course if op sends her 6 month old to daycare she will also be called a terrible mom.  What a toxic mom culture you create, pp.  [/quote]

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