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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I would ask. A job is a just a job. If you’re not ready to go back, you should advocate for yourself, whether that means asking for unpaid leave or quitting.

I took maternity leave with every intention of coming back at the end of it, but a combination of PPD, Covid, and difficulty finding childcare led me to quit at the end of it. The place I left was a toxic dump anyway. Do I wish things had worked out differently? Yes, partially because I don’t want to give moms on leave a bad name. But I had to prioritize my own well-being and that of my baby. [/quote]

Can I ask why you think this gives moms on leave a bad name? I think I understand but want to clarify. It’s so hard that people think this. [/quote]

PP. I think some people probably think this was my plan all along, to game the system and get paid for several months of not working and then quit. In reality, it was an agonizing decision that I only came to after experiencing panic attacks and breakdowns and realizing that I wasn’t going to be able to return to work. But for a lot of reasons, I think some people don’t give parents (usually moms) on leave a lot of grace or benefit of the doubt.[/quote]

Ha!  You knew from the get go that you planned to game the system   I've known too many employees like you and burned too many times.  [/quote]

I will give PP the benefit of the doubt that she didn't know what would happen when she was due to come back from leave, but unfortunately, people like PP do ruin it for the rest of the new parents who need a little more grace in their return to office plans.[/quote]

No one has ruined anything for anyone except the people posting in this forum about greed and discouraging moms from what they need after baby. [/quote]

WTH literally no one has told OP to go back to work against her will. No one. She has options - she can quit her job if she doesn’t want to work which is what it sounds like. Most sane people realize employers can’t hold jobs open for moms who don’t want to work. [/quote]

OP did not say she doesn’t want to work. She said she’s not ready to leave her baby. Which is totally understandable. Some of these comments are literally insane. This country will never move the needle on leave and a better life for parents/families with people like this out there. What a shame. [/quote]

We absolutely need universal paid maternity leave, but this is a policy decision that probably everyone women posting on this board supports and has very little ability to move the needle on save for calling their reps and demanding change and/or speaking to their company's HR department. Most women tell their boss how much leave they plan to take before going out and then coverage is found accordingly. If OP's dept. found coverage for six months it might not be easy to re-up the coverage for an additional X months while OP takes more time. Add to that OP probably quitting in the end ("I realized I'm not ready to go back after 9 months after all!") and it just feels gross. What many of us are trying to tell her is that it will probably come off as gross to her company and that will treat her accordingly and that given her current stance she may want to seriously consider quitting. OP needs to ask herself what will make her feel ready? Is she OK not feeling ready and going back anyway if she takes a few more months off? I worked for a giant healthcare company previously (healthcare is notorious, ironically, for bad benefits) and I needed to be there for two years before I could get 100% STD. I saved up all my vacation and took 13 weeks with my third. I had this fortune 15 company's corporate secretary tell me that 13 weeks was a lot of time. I see nothing wrong with going against the grain, but it's preferable to say something up front if you plan to take off more time so suitable coverage can be arranged and if your company has a very generous policy it's likely that they'll frown on extensions. I say this after being in Tech with my first two and getting 22 weeks off with both babies -- it's not common to take more than the paid time you are given if it's very generous and it rubs people the wrong way. [/quote]

The assumption that I didn’t plan for this is inaccurate. Sorry you think this feels gross and glad you had a good experience with your three kids. Might it be possible for someone to feel differently? This is not my first child. I agonized over planning my leave and took every available option so that I could maximize time home with my family. At great sacrifice to my finances, let me add. Every day of life is different, let alone every birthing experience - I’m not ready to leave my baby. How could I have known six months ago what I would feel like today when feelings and emotions change all the time? It’s so sad people, mothers even, can’t have empathy in these situations. [/quote]

I don't believe this is your second child. If you had been through this before you would have a good understanding of how you would feel coming back from maternity leave and you would be able to psych yourself up and do it, like those of us who have gone back to work. I think this is your first and you have no idea what you're doing and are generally scared, all of which is fine. But speak to a therapist and figure out what your going to do instead of dragging this out with your employer and then quitting after 9 months of paid/unpaid maternity leave. [/quote]

Whether you believe OP or not is irrelevant. Women can have vastly different experiences with childbirth between kids. You might have an easy vaginal birth with one kid and feel great a month out and raring to get back in the office. And then you might have another baby a few years later, experience complications and have a c-section that puts you in bed recovering for weeks. You might get PPD and not even realize what it is at first because, after all, you remember some hormonal baby blues with the last baby and surely it's just that. Maybe your older child struggles with the new baby so you are dealing not only with new baby adjustments but a toddler having sleep regressions or meltdowns due to losing attention to the new baby, and feel significantly more overwhelmed.

Having a baby is not like taking money out of an ATM. The idea that all new baby experiences are identical and that we should expect women to recover from them on a regular schedule with no deviations or complications is super unrealistic. There's a huge range of experiences plus women are themselves different and might even respond to the same experience in different ways. And also people's support systems can vary greatly.

The idea that if you had a different experience or made different choices, OP must be LYING about her experience is unbelievable self-centered. [/quote]

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